"Disneyland: My Own Personal Hell" by Dina James
The title says it all…
Disneyland is the Happiest Place on Earth for some. It's pretty much my own personal Hell.
You see, I'm not a "happy, sparkly, pixie-dust" sort. I'm a "give me my tea and I won't stab you in the eye with a double-pointed knitting needle" sort.
A few years ago, my mother turned 55. She'd never been to Disneyland and always wanted to go, so my husband and I saved up for a year in order to take her on an all-expenses-paid vacation to The Happiest Place on Earth. This was not a vacation I was going to relish. I got through it by reminding myself daily that this trip wasn't about me. This was about Mom. Mom had worked the whole of her life raising two kids and serving her country in the US Army, so if her heart's desire was to hug Mickey Mouse and Cinderella, fine. Bibbity-bobbity-freakin'-boo.
Mostly "boo."
It rained the entire time (the only week they'd had of rain in months – the week before and the following week it were perfect). The Monorail was broken every single time we tried to board it for the whole four days we were there. The Haunted Mansion was closed for renovation. It seemed everywhere we went, the staff had a problem with one of my party for some reason or other. My husband couldn't get his name embroidered on a hat because "it's against park policy to put nicknames on hats." (Seriously? Who thinks up these policies? And um, it's his NAME? Not a nickname. They didn't want to see his ID, either. We didn't buy the hat.) My mother couldn't wear her birthday tiara in the park because it was considered a "costume" and "only children 10 and under are allowed costumes" and it would "take away from their show" (um, it's her 55th birthday, and it's a cheesy little tiara…I seriously doubt she's going to be mistaken for Sleeping Beauty). Ad nauseum.
The only good things about Disneyland were the drinks (I amassed quite the collection of plastic light-up LED "ice cubes") and the fact that my mother had a blast despite the annoyances. It being her birthday, she was the recipient of all sorts of attention, treats and special things. That's what made it worth it.
Well, that and the Star Wars stuff. The Lego store had a life-size Darth Vader, which DID make me happy.
Dina James is a chronicler of the paranormal (which is a cool way of saying she writes about vampires) and avid collector of all things Darth Vader. Her first book, All Wounds, will be available from Mundania Press in October 2011.
