This is me...

"So what are you going to wear?"

This is the question my sister asked when I decided to do my first book reading for 'Crossover'.  My eyes got big as it sank in.

"Jeans and my hat?"  I knew it was the wrong answer even as it came out of my mouth.

Here's a little something you need to know about me.  I'll be thirty two this summer.  In the past thirty two years there has been one and a half years where I used to dress up every day no matter what.  I did my hair, I wore nice clothes and I put on makeup.  Unfortunately, I didn't do it because it made me feel good about myself, I did it because I thought that was what some people wanted.  I was uncomfortable, I was forever selfconcious, and it got to the point where it affected my personality.  I was quieter, I was scared to say things in case it was the wrong thing to say, and well, I wasn't me.  It took a while, but I finally found myself again. 

This is me… I am quiet.  If someone else wants to carry on the conversation, I am more than happy to let that person talk.  I am not a bitch, I am shy.  When I first meet you, if I'm not talking your ear off and seem standoffish, then just give me a few minutes, I'll grow out of it.  When I do say something, sometimes it will make no sense and sometimes it will be brilliant… it's hit and miss and seems to amuse some people.  I hate being the center of attention and if I have to say something in front of more than two or three people (even if know them) I am guaranteed to turn red.  I am much better at writing than talking.  I don't like to dress up, I hate doing my hair, and I have absolutely no issues with going out in public wearing jeans, a t-shirt, my runners and my baseball hat.  This is how I am comfortable.  This is me.

HOWEVER… society as a whole is not like me.  Everything is geared at looking good, being done up, and fitting an image.  Now, I'm not saying that everyone who dresses up and does their hair only does it to fit in, but look around; there are way more women walking around in skinny jeans and high heels than baseball hats and ripped jeans.  If it's your thing, then all the power to you.  At my age, people expect you to be and look grown up.  Unfortunately, if you don't look grown up, people don't think you are grown up.  I have been with my husband for ten years, we have three kids, have acquired our first mortgage,  own a half ton and a minivan, and even though I don't usually think of myself as grown up, I'm fairly sure I might qualify.  Does the fact that I look like a twelve year old boy when I go out make me less of a grown up?  I don't think so, but others have told me it does.

I'll let sink in… yep, people besides the weird old guy in the Sobey's parking lot have told me I should take more pride in how I look.  People I know, people who love me and I'm sure are just trying to help.

Here's the question I have for you.  When you pick up a book off the shelf, do you automatically flip to the about author page? Do you look at the bio and picture and say, man, this doesn't look like he/she'd write a good book?  I don't know about you, but when I grab a book I look at the synopsis first.  If it gets my attention, I buy it.  I could care less who the author is and what he/she looks like.  If the book is fantastic and I want to read more of the same kind of books then I see who the author is. 

Now that 'Journey' is out and my picture is on the 'about author' page it makes me wonder.  Does this author actually look like this?  If someone who doesn't know me has read my book and seen my picture, I can guarantee that if they saw me in public, they wouldn't recognize me. 

So now you're asking, if I'm so against dressing up and conforming to society, why did I put a picture of myself all done up on my bio and my website and why do I get dressed up for book readings and conferences?  The answer is this… whether people want to admit it or not, they would rather buy a book from someone who looks professional.  If you look successful, you must be successfull, right?  Deep down, we all know it's not true… any homeless person on the street could be given nice clothes and a haircut and made to look like a millionaire.  Unfortunately, I have to admit to myself that even if you have talent, unless you dress it up, it's hard to sell it. 

And really, that's the bottom line, isn't it.  If I want to be a successful author, I need to sell books and people, unfortunately, are not simply looking at my books, they are also looking at me.  *Blah*

So I've made a promise to my angry, I hate to dress up self… When I become successful and people are buying my books because they see my name on the cover and they think of me as an author because of the success my stories have had, I will do this.  I will hold a book reading/ news conference (cause famous authors can do that) and I will show up wearing jeans, a t-shirt, my baseball hat and my running shoes.

Man, I can't wait…

:)  Mireille