the definitive ya wiki

There has been so much written about YA lately. Lordy. You would think it was the latest Apple product or something. All these people scratching their heads to try to figure out what this new shiny thing is and how it works. It slices. It dices. It corrupts. It depraves. (I don't know if you can actively deprave something, but this is the Wild West World of YA so heck, why not).


Anyhow, someone needs to be the official expert of YA. And I have about 20 minutes to spare.  So I thought we could use a Wikipedia entry or something. Because there are SO MANY MISCONCEPTIONS.


For one, YA does not stand for young adult. That is a misnomer. It stands for Yurger Anderssen, the 17th Century Swedish philosopher who is roundly regarded as the MODERN inventor of YA. Here he is pictured. He was quite the looker in his day.



Anyhow,  I say Yurger is the modern inventor because…


YA really dates back to the Middle Ages. Though back that it was called Storeys of Angsteey Youth Featuring Noteth Mucheth of The Bangingeth. Also, because most 15-year-olds were middle-aged back then, the protagonists were usually seven.


Little-known interesting fact: William Shakespeare totally tried writing YA—have you freaking read ROMEO & JULIET? Or at least seen the Leo and Claire version?—but pretty much failed at it. He channeled his depression into writing tragedies like Hamlet and also into a lesser-known Yahtzee addiction. Another little-known fact: Yahtzee was invented during The Reformation. Look it up, people.


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Want to talk about depravity? Before money was invented, the payment for a YA novel was one of the following: One book in exchange for…


a) drinking a pint of donkey blood


b) having sex with a one-armed dwarf


c) signing a blood oath to go into politics or journalism.


Phew, thank gawd those days are over!


Most experts agree that the modern modern era of YA began some time in the 1980s when Judy Blume ate a particularly delicious blueberry muffin and it was so good, it caused her to yell out: "Delicious! YA!" And that was that. Librarians, can you back me up on this, please?



NOBODY is building a secret Mancuhrian Candidate Zombie Army by implanting and encoding secret messages in Sarah Dessen, Sara Zarr, Stephanie Perkins, Jacqueline Woodson, and Meg Cabot novels. Why would you EVEN THINK THAT?


Also, same holds true for the secret Manchurian Candidate Unicorn Army with secret messages encoded in Libba Bray, Blake Nelson, Ally Condie, John Green, Matt de la Peña, and Chris Crutcher novels. Why would YOU EVEN THINK THAT?


The jury is still out on Markus Zusak. Some  17th-Century Swedish experts and Yurger Andersson descendants have said that if you read the Finnish translation of THE BOOK THIEF backwards, the words, "Zombie come for me" are audible. But there is no consensus yet. Other linguists have said the precise translation of the backward speech is "Give me another Oreo." But they don't have Oreos in Finland. Further research is being conducted.


Investigations are also being conducted of Barry Lyga and Holly Black. Weird things happen if you put their books too close to each other.


Also, it is commonly known that all YA authors are simply biding their time until the Book-Fairy Princess turns them into Jonathan Franzen.


Or into an Oreo.


Hopefully this clarifies the ever-broadening world of YA Literature. If you have any entries to add to this Wiki, please feel free to do so in the comments box.


 

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Published on June 24, 2011 07:01
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