The compass.

It didn't feel right.  But it was money. 
But it wasn't what I wanted to do. Be. Talk about. 
But it might get you more opportunities. 
But it feels cheap. And kind of gross. 
But if you close this door...

This was the conversation I kept having with myself, earlier this week. Sitting at the table in the cabin late one night, I kept going over it. The pros and cons. Or more to the point, I kept trying to rationalize while the cons should be pros.  I'm pretty good at listening to my gut. Following my instincts. I have a lot of feelings, and those feelings are strong...sometimes to the point of freak-out-where-is-this-coming-from-strong. Most of the time, I love this about myself...I love having such a strong inner compass that I can just look at something and instantly see the impact it's going to have on my life. The only time when I don't like it?  When I'm not actively listening to it.  I've been going around and around with trying to say this in the most eloquent way, but I'll just say it: I shouldn't have become a brand ambassador for Chevy. I told myself that I should do it because doing so would bring in more money (money, I told myself, that would allow me to do the things I really loved, like writing) and it could possibly open the doors for other opportunities that I did want.  But the offer was ironic for these reasons: I had just sat down a few days before and wrote out my vision of the kind of companies I wanted to work with in terms of branding, social media, and copywriting (companies that were progressive in their efforts to promote active living, environmental stewardship, sustainable development, and community involvement) and told myself that I would only give my time and energy to the kind of companies that fit these initiatives. I had also started working out a serious strategy for getting to the point where it was possible for me to live a more active and environmentally-friendly lifestyle by giving up my car and doing more things by bike.
And then along comes Chevy. 
It just didn't fit. And it wasn't about being a brand ambassdor or selling a brand...I'm not against that. I kind of feel like my whole life right now is selling a brand: Whether it's selling my book, selling Groucho, selling Cyber Dating Sidekick, even my volunteer gig, The Green Institute/ReUse Center, I'm actively involved in selling something - an experience, a product, a service, a message, a lifestyle. And when it comes down to it, all of them work right into my life purpose: To use my creativity, humor, and sense of empathy to inspire others to courageously live out their lives in deeply meaningful and beautiful ways. When Chevy came along, I knew instantly that this wasn't something that aligned with that purpose. But I ignored that red flag and made a commitment to them anyway, mostly because, initially, it seemed like a fun challenge to find new, creative ways to talk about a brand (and also, if I want a car company to be more fuel-efficient and use less resources, I feel strongly like that change is better affected from inside influence vs outside dissension). And also, money. I like money. It's hard for me to turn down money when I know there's a long list of good things that money can do - secure further freedom, buy gifts for those I love, provide payback to people who've helped me, be used for contributions to causes I care about. So yeah. When Chevy offered me money, I was like, "Well alright. I guess I like Chevy now." But it felt gross. Not because it's not a good brand, but because it wasn't a good brand for me. And tweeting about it, blogging about it...it made me cringe. I found myself writing an email about it to someone, and thinking, "I'm trying to overly explain to you that this isn't really me... When normally I'd write you and just feel like everything I'm saying perfectly reflects everything I'm about." And then I talked to my friend Carol from New York for four hours about aligning yourself with things you believe in, and then today, I found this in my inbox. It kind of felt like the universe kept hitting me in the face with stuff, like, "You get it now? Huh? You get it yet? DO YA?!" This whole year has been about doing good work, and doing it for the things I love and believe in. And if I'm giving my time and energy to the things I don't believe in, I have less of it to give to the things I do.So. I'm no longer a Chevy Girl. But I will say that, in the end, I'm glad I at least tried it out, and not just because of the valuable lessons I learned from it. Mostly, it's because of this.