Famous Opening Lines from Novels Updated for the Modern Age

I'm not always a huge fan of McSweeney's Internet Tendency, but when they're on, they're on:

"Alice was beginning to tire of sitting by her sister on the bank. She took out her iPhone and played Angry Birds for the next three hours."

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of an internet startup to call his own."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed into a giant insect. Not literally, obviously. He was playing an MMORPG and this was his avatar."

– Famous Opening Lines from Novels Updated for the Modern Age.