I’m Starting to Feel

I’m feeling like a writer

I’m feeling disappointment

delays

and still

it’s all making sense

like why would this be easy

like every time I hear no

maybe it’s really because I said no

to something or someone else

something I could have done more

could have done better

like every time I hear no

it becomes

a part of my reason

I’m starting to feel like a writer

like it sucks to have to

explain 300 pages to someone who won’t

care until I make them care in 30 seconds

or less

or until the lights go out

or on

just read it

I’m thinking

like why do I have to stop

and explain to you

that

you need this

it’s obvious

to me

and for as long as you hesitate

is as long as you can fool yourself

that you know what you don’t know

that things are not presented to you

for a reason

every time

you procrastinate

obstinate

you could be involved

assuming that my words

have something

you might need

now or later

I’m starting to feel like a writer

because you don’t think I am

and this suffering

is actually a comfort

because it reminds me

that my desires are real

and I need to pursue them

to exist

that my passions

are actually

me