LOOKING BACKWARD THROUGH THE CRYSTAL BALL

Hmmm, imagine that twenty five years ago you looked into a crystal ball and saw the person that you would become a quarter century down the line. How would you have reacted?

I allow myself to entertain ponderous questions like this one from time to time. It's not exactly soul searching. It's a case of taking stock of the circumstances I have landed in and whether I let opportunities slip by that might have propelled me elsewhere.

Don't mistake me. I am quite content with who I have become and the life that I lead. I've learned to accept who I am with equanimity. Yes, of course, I'd love to win the lottery and have the luxury to indulge all my passions. But I won't be terribly upset if that windfall doesn't come my way.

Truth be told, I've never been the type of person who sees a clearly defined path laid out for them and sets out to pursue it. I've never been able to look that far ahead. Is that a shortcoming? Some might say it is. But I prefer to believe that some of us are destined to find our way along a few steps at a time.

But back to my original premise. The crystal ball – a glimpse of the future – a chance to change the course and pre-write the future.

There are definitely some things I would have been dismayed to see in my future. A failed marriage. No children. Not owning a home. No doubt I would be thinking: "Can't let that happen! I've got to find a way to reconfigure that course of events."

So let's suppose that I made a sharp turn to nudge my fate in a more favourable direction? Picture it. I'm married with children. I have a home and a mortgage. All the ingredients of a fulfilled life.

But what if, despite all these blessings, I awake each morning with the question: "Who am I? Why don't I recognize this person I've become? I really ought to be happy. But I'm not."

The longer I live the more inclined I am to believe that the only reliable path in life is being true to your self. For some of us, that means letting go of the traditional expectations and accepting that we are meant to be a little, or a lot, to the right or to the left of "normal".

It takes a few mistakes and some notable failures to come to that realization. Those experiences teach us that attempting to contort ourselves to fit into the round holes is destined to run us aground. We're just not made in that mold.

Those of us who are destined to go our own way have our own crystal ball metaphor. We look backwards through the crystal ball to that time 25 years ago and think:

"So that's why I didn't go to the senior prom. I was already on a different path. And now, at last, I'm at peace with who I am. Not odd, it turns out, but unique."

Be true to yourself. Everything else takes care of itself.

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of "Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel" – double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael's website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog.

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