I Struggle but I also get out there!

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Here all along I thought my hurdle for the day was the usual PTSD getting out to socialize and, well... Just getting out. After months of trying to coordinate with a couple other female vets I finally got to our big Clay Class so we could demand some fun out of life, ha! Typically I'm the slow one in the bunch but always find a way to laugh at myself so it's really no big deal.

We all made four balls of clay so we got a few tries at making a masterpiece. Luckily the instructor gave me lots of one on one time so I could get rolling along with the group. The coordination needed to make a pot was beyond me this day, and I was noticing the issues I had with just simple right left coordination. So as someone got a great pic of me destroying my last glob of clay, my heart did start to panic. Yikes, are you kidding me I asked, as I'm realizing for the past hour I didn't accomplish making anything and I kind of ran out of jokes about it.

My very nice friend next to me said, " make a thimble". Oh yes genius! I can do that. But then , nope I actually couldn't and everyone had already cleaned up so I gracefully decided to hang up my towel and evaluate whether I ever wanted to come back. The experience was nice, and I defiantly had more fun overall than the rest of the class. So I decided to focus on giving others compliments on their own creations as I really appreciated the other classmates work even more. One person let me help them pick out their glaze colors and offered me their bowls they made and I graciously accepted. I paid for the glazes on the other two bowls I'll someday take home, and may keep one as a reminder of the class and send the other to it's creator.

A few days went by and I gave myself hell about even signing up for the class. I mean, what was I thinking? That I suddenly wouldn't have TBI issues? No, I never even considered it I was just going along to support my friend who suffers with depression, and gladly sacrificed my night for her to get out and have fun, so I really don't need any post pottery guilt. Grateful I made it out that night, and glad in the moment I did make the best of it all. Though I didn't go in with any real expectations, I think I was just shocked I didn't have the worst case scenario of not being able to make a thing in mind. But that's ok, I'm not stupidly blind, I just prefer to go with the flow and stay open to all possibilities.