How to get myself on the best seller list at Amazon

I wish I knew. I just read a fascinating article by a guy who did manage to do that by writing a book that was called something like - What Men Think About Apart From Sex. The book was full of blank pages. I'm wondering now if I should issue my own version - What Women Wished Men Thought About Apart From Sex. Trouble is, it wouldn't sell, would it? We women already know the answer and men don't want to hear it.
So I'll just have to try to get 'Rocked' - out next Tuesday - with Loose -ID to sell a million. I shall spread the word on Facebook - to my handful of followers, on Twitter to even fewer followers, to my family - who gulp at my depravity, to my loyal readers to whom I send virtual hugs and to the dog, who I know would buy hundreds of copies if I'd lend him the money.
Actually, Rocked won't be out on Amazon straight away, I suppose, so I have time to work on my master plan for world domination.
Unfortunately, I'm too honest to put my own raving reviews on about my own work, too honest (and too poor) to buy hundreds of copies to boost ratings, so I have to rely on people spreading the word.
If you like my writing, please tell others! If you don't like it, don't tell anyone. Not even me - not on Thursdays anyway.

Now to cheer me up - above is a picture of my foot cushion.