A request from the Cool Jew Review

You know the Cool Jew Review – it's an online magazine who wants to be the Jewish answer to New York, the New York Times, or the New Yorker. But aren't those three Jewish? Only inasmuch as their readers, writers, and editors are disproportionately Jewish. What makes the Cool Jew Review cool is its Jewish content. But not, God forbid, too Jewish.

Now the editors of the CJR (which is completely fictional and I just made up) came to me with a request: come up with the perfect article for their inaugural issue, one which yanks eyeballs onto the page while making the reader's nose perk up with the homey aroma of bubbe's chicken soup. It's got to be frothy yet relevant, global but heimish, secular but heavy with myth and lore. Oh, and it can't be too long – boorring! Sex, of course, would be nice.

Here's my attempt. The winning headline submitted by my readers will get a year-long subscription to the CJR and a big wet kiss from my parents' dogs. (And a beer, I guess, if I like you.)

Israelis Jail "Gay-lestinian Flotilla" Captain After He Admits to Sexting Ex-IMF Head