Freeloading
Time to rant…you’ve been warned.
I have a small circle of friends and family for whom I’d truly do anything, no questions asked. If I had to guess, I think they know it too, and they reciprocate. We are more than willing to bend over backward for each other. It’s not “tit-for-tat,” nor do I want it to be. Despite this rant, I hate when people feel obligated to me, or when I need to feel the same toward them. If I show up with coffee for someone, I don’t want them to feel obligated to buy me a cup next time—that’s not why I did it. I work within the premise that eventually, at the end of it all, things will work out fairly, or fairly enough that no one will feel as if they’ve been taken advantage of.
Lately, however, there have been a number of people outside that circle who are under the mistaken impression that my generosity extends to them, and extends to them automatically, without prior discussion with me first. Are they nice people? Yes. Do I consider them my friends? On some level. Will I be nice to them? Sure. But I don’t look at them in the same way as I do my close circle, and unless there are extenuating circumstances, I’m not putting myself out for them, especially when in all the years I’ve known them, they’ve never done so for me. Not once.
Does that make me bitchy? Probably. And I wish it didn’t. I no more want to be known as a bitch than I want to be known as a doormat. I would like to think I’m known as a good friend, wife, daughter, etc. But that doesn’t mean I will let others take advantage of me, since I work incredibly hard not to take advantage of anyone else.
But I’m now in the position where I have to consciously think about whether or not I want to do something for these people who ask me “for a favor.” Saying no makes me feel bad, saying yes annoys me. Either way makes me the bad guy, for doing something grudgingly for someone else is worse than not doing it at all.
My solution for the moment is going to be to focus on my inner circle. It’s not exclusive; you’re welcome to join. But if you want to enter, be prepared for the expectations associated with it. Freeloaders need not apply.
I have a small circle of friends and family for whom I’d truly do anything, no questions asked. If I had to guess, I think they know it too, and they reciprocate. We are more than willing to bend over backward for each other. It’s not “tit-for-tat,” nor do I want it to be. Despite this rant, I hate when people feel obligated to me, or when I need to feel the same toward them. If I show up with coffee for someone, I don’t want them to feel obligated to buy me a cup next time—that’s not why I did it. I work within the premise that eventually, at the end of it all, things will work out fairly, or fairly enough that no one will feel as if they’ve been taken advantage of.
Lately, however, there have been a number of people outside that circle who are under the mistaken impression that my generosity extends to them, and extends to them automatically, without prior discussion with me first. Are they nice people? Yes. Do I consider them my friends? On some level. Will I be nice to them? Sure. But I don’t look at them in the same way as I do my close circle, and unless there are extenuating circumstances, I’m not putting myself out for them, especially when in all the years I’ve known them, they’ve never done so for me. Not once.
Does that make me bitchy? Probably. And I wish it didn’t. I no more want to be known as a bitch than I want to be known as a doormat. I would like to think I’m known as a good friend, wife, daughter, etc. But that doesn’t mean I will let others take advantage of me, since I work incredibly hard not to take advantage of anyone else.
But I’m now in the position where I have to consciously think about whether or not I want to do something for these people who ask me “for a favor.” Saying no makes me feel bad, saying yes annoys me. Either way makes me the bad guy, for doing something grudgingly for someone else is worse than not doing it at all.
My solution for the moment is going to be to focus on my inner circle. It’s not exclusive; you’re welcome to join. But if you want to enter, be prepared for the expectations associated with it. Freeloaders need not apply.
No comments have been added yet.
