SURVIVING THE DEATH OF YOUR SPOUSE - Insights from SIPS OF SUSTENANCE (Part 3)
Losing a spouse is tough. Finding words to express the depth of despair isn’t easy. We try words like lost…numb…shocked…desolate…afraid…abandoned, but none is adequate to describe the realization that the person with whom we hoped to spend the rest of our life is gone. It’s the finality that strikes the hardest blow. Gone forever from this life. Never again to hold our hand, kiss us goodnight, or tell us how much we are loved. All of our plans for the future evaporated with the last breath. For the rest of our lives, we will awaken to face the day alone.
Death is not reversible. We cannot turn back the clock for even one moment, because time moves only forward. Wishing won’t help; even praying won’t bring back our loved one. The book of life has closed for our spouse, and with it, a part of us ceases to exist. So much of who we are was tied to our role as a husband or wife that our whole identity changes.
How do we face life without the physical presence of the one we held so dear? The answer differs for each of us, because the person we lost was inimitable. But, for all of us, finding a way for the love to continue beyond the grave can help. Some may choose to continue talking to the spouse, sharing the day’s events or the splendor of a field of wildflowers. Others may find comfort in talking with friends and family members about the deceased. Many who would like to support us think it will deepen our sorrow to hear our spouse’s name, but we want the person to be recalled with love and laughter. Remembering the wonderful times shared keeps love alive.
And then, we have to accept the loss, as much as we would like to deny it. An unknown author once wrote, “There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.” The letting go part is hard, but in the absence of the physical body, we can hold tight to our love while waiting to be reunited in another dimension.
Death is not reversible. We cannot turn back the clock for even one moment, because time moves only forward. Wishing won’t help; even praying won’t bring back our loved one. The book of life has closed for our spouse, and with it, a part of us ceases to exist. So much of who we are was tied to our role as a husband or wife that our whole identity changes.
How do we face life without the physical presence of the one we held so dear? The answer differs for each of us, because the person we lost was inimitable. But, for all of us, finding a way for the love to continue beyond the grave can help. Some may choose to continue talking to the spouse, sharing the day’s events or the splendor of a field of wildflowers. Others may find comfort in talking with friends and family members about the deceased. Many who would like to support us think it will deepen our sorrow to hear our spouse’s name, but we want the person to be recalled with love and laughter. Remembering the wonderful times shared keeps love alive.
And then, we have to accept the loss, as much as we would like to deny it. An unknown author once wrote, “There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.” The letting go part is hard, but in the absence of the physical body, we can hold tight to our love while waiting to be reunited in another dimension.
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