pause

Sometimes you have to hit pause even when you wish you could just fast forward. Today a friend and I met for high tea at 4pm because we’ve both had a really good year so far and yet we hadn’t taken time to celebrate our achievements. When I asked her why she replied, “No one has time to celebrate with me.” I have time! I always have time for scones and clotted cream and cheese & pickle finger sandwiches. We didn’t get the champagne service but we did clink tea cups before savoring just about EVERYTHING on our three-tier tray. We talked about our plans for the summer and the challenge of creating space to just be still—not on the road, not overbooked. As we near the end of the school year, I can feel myself running out of steam. Despite the 80-degree weather, I’ve come down with a cold and worried my voice would give out during my back-to-back writing workshops this morning. The classes were larger than expected and so I also ran out of handouts, but my host was super cool and the kids were engaged…I don’t do many writing workshops for young kids and I wasn’t sure my activities would work since they were designed for older writers, but at one point there were four boys sprawled on the classroom floor working on their mystery stories and I decided that must be okay. I didn’t feel in control, the lesson wasn’t as structured as I hoped, but the kids were engaged and—simply put—adorable. One girl named Amethyst kept saying, “I can’t believe you’re actually here!” and another child visiting from a second grade classroom said that I was her role model. A boy said his dream job was to be a poet! They didn’t have finished stories by the time I left, but hopefully our activities will help them down the road. And maybe it’s enough that they just had fun. I picked up some chicken soup on the way home and took a quick nap before heading back out. I left my building then remembered I hadn’t checked my mailbox so I went back in and a check I’ve been waiting on for 2 months was there along with a bundle of letters from 5th graders I met back in March. I tucked the check away in my bag and thanked the universe for sending me enough gigs to make the long delay annoying but not a financial crisis. Then I sat on the train grinning and laughing out loud at the wonderful drawings and messages from the kids at PS 261. This was one of my favorites:

I haven’t written much in the past week but maybe this cold will put me back in an introspective mood. Next week I head to San Francisco for the ACL institute, a day of school visits in Berkeley, and a mini rad women retreat. Then I think things will start to slow down a bit. I’ve taken a summer gig but still hope to finish three novels by the end of August. And if it doesn’t happen as planned, it’ll be okay. Right?