Dealing with Haters and Self-Doubt

Today I want to talk about a sensitive topic that I know many of us have dealt with, either as writers or just in our own personal lives: Haters and Self Doubt. We’ve all been in situations where someone wants to tear us down, point out every single one of our flaws, and ridicule us publicly. We’ve all also been in situations where we don’t feel good enough, we doubt our own brilliance, and we let all those negative vibes take over our lives. I’m not intending for this video to be a pep talk, but it might turn into one, so hopefully you guys are okay with that. So let’s talk about how we can dismiss the haters and crush our own self-doubt. Because we’re better than that!
If you'd like to watch the video on this topic, feel free to click play below. Otherwise, read on!

First, as amazing as social media is for connecting with others and networking, it’s important to understand that it has also given rude and opinionated people a playground to critique others. They’ll critique your spelling, your grammar, your personal style, your message, your appearance, your work, your family, and they will do it ALL in the public eye. They’ll judge you with absolutely no remorse. So how do we deal with these types of people? Let us count the 7 ways:
1.       Do not allow them to get under your skina.       Easier said than done, right? Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” And it’s true. First of all, you need to realize that anyone who would berate another person is a miserable human being. They are unhappy, insecure, and most likely hurting in some way. This does not give them the right to torment you, but you need to realize that hurt people HURT people. Did you do anything to them? Probably not. Sometimes we can piss other people off just by being ourselves. And that sucks, but once you realize you can’t do anything about it, you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on to bigger and better things.2.       Remain graceful at all timesa.       Before responding to haters, I urge you to always think first. Think about how you want to react, think about how you want to feel afterward, and know that you are in total control of your response. When someone says something negative about us, our work, our family, whatever it may be, our first response is usually based on emotion. We get fired up, we get defensive, we argue, we yell. You have to understand that you don’t always have to go on emotion. It’s okay to ignore the comments. It’s OKAY to choose to let it go. Take the high road, let it roll off your shoulder, and go on being your badass self.3.       Remind yourself of your amazing accomplishments and self-wortha.       There will be times where you feel like the world is out to get you, especially as writers. When you’re experiencing the wrath of those soul-sucking haters and all that negativity, it can be hard to stay focused and continue creating your stories. Remind yourself that YOU wrote a BOOK. Did the person hating on you write a book? Probably not, otherwise they wouldn’t be behaving this way because they’d understand the complex process of developing characters, mapping out multiple storylines, and combining it all to make some sort of logical sense! They have no experience in the matter, but you do! So who are they to hate on you? They’re nobody. You know nothing, Jon Snow.4.       Seek out your supporters and positive messagesa.       Are the haters knocking on your door? The answer here is simple. Don’t let them in. Instead, seek out your supporters and reinforce yourself with positive messages you’ve received in the past. Surround yourself with family, friends, and other people who support what you’re doing and lift you up. Keep a stash of positive book reviews and supportive messages handy. Whenever you’re starting to feel down, take a look at those messages and remember all of the people you’ve impacted in a positive way and all of the people who admire and support you and your work. If you don’t have that yet, then write a love letter to yourself! Sounds cheesy I know, but in order to crush your own self-doubt, you YOURSELF need to believe that you are awesome and worthy and that unicorns and rainbows fly out of your bum. Know your worth, know your value, and know that you are the only person who can do it like you.5.       When all else fails, take a hiatus (which is a fancy word for a break)a.       If your haters are really starting to get to you, take a break! Turn off your phone, shut down your laptop, and free yourself from those social media chains. Yes, social media is important for building your brand and connecting with readers, but it can also be a prison plagued with negativity and criticism. And the only person keeping yourself chained to it is you. Know when it’s time to walk away for a little and do something that makes you feel happy. Read a book, go for a walk, chase your dogs around the backyard, take a bubble bath, go shopping. Just do something to break away from all the negativity and find your happy little self again. Once you’ve had a much needed “me” session, get back to the drawing board and start writing. You’ll be amazed at how beneficial time away from social media is not only for your well-being, but also for your writing.6.       Focus on the ‘why’ rather than the ‘how’a.       Normally when writers have doubts, they’re centered on whether we think we can “make it” as established authors. When you have one of these days, take some time to reflect on WHY you’re doing what you’re doing, where you want to be, and the core reason for waking up every morning. What is your purpose in life? Why are you here? And remind yourself of it daily. If you focus too much on the ‘how’, then thoughts like, “How will I ever get this done when I have a full-time job, a family, and school to get through?” and “How long until my writing actually pays off?” will plague your mind. When you remember the ‘why’, you focus on your purpose and the ‘how’s fade away.7.       Keep moving forward, no matter whata.       When self-doubt begins to creep in, there’s no better way to squash it than taking action and doing the very thing you’re doubting yourself on. So sit down at the kitchen table with a large piece of construction paper and make a vision board for your book series. Plop down at your computer and finish that outline. Throw on an inspiring playlist and write the day away! Keep on creating! And smile while doing it. As long as you continue to create and move forward, there’s no way your self-doubt can stop you. You’ll actually end up stopping that self-doubt right in its tracks.
So there you have it, 7 ways to deal with those haters and crush your self-doubt! If you haven't already, don't forget to sign up for my monthly newsletter!



Until next time,