It's easier with a buddy
My young son is of the age now where his life experience is starting to overlap with my earliest memories. One of my clearest impressions from my own preschool days is the phenomenon of being assigned a buddy. Buddies were generally paired up when we were doing an activity that would ideally benefit from a little extra accountability––such as crossing the street, approaching a swimming pool, or playing on an unfamiliar playground.
When, last night, my writing promotion buddy forwarded a set of poetry submission guidelines to me accompanied by an encouraging note, it struck me how much a little extra accountability can make a difference in the writing life. I seek out submission guidelines on my own all the time, and they frequently automatically land in my email inbox from various publications. However, it is a completely different experience when a friend who wants to see me succeed––who is, in fact, explicitly invested in seeing me publish and promote my writing as effectively as I can––shares info about such opportunities.
Twice this week, my promotion buddy has forwarded me publishing leads, and each time I nearly leaped out of my chair to send in my poetry immediately. Why? Because her energy and enthusiasm invigorated my own. And also, maybe more importantly, I knew that she'd know if I didn't follow through on these opportunities. Whereas, she would never know about the pile of submissions guidelines that were accumulating muddy cat paw prints and other general pet detritus as they lay untouched on my office floor.
Gretchen Rubin describes in The Happiness Project her need to receive gold stars for her good works. She is rather hard on herself about this and works throughout the book to lessen the hold of this particular need. This is valiant work, and it is certainly liberating to step aside of the need for affirmation, especially in the context of family. However, I'd like to propose an alternative approach that works very well in the writing life: find someone whose explicit job it is to affirm you.
That's where a writing promotion buddy comes in.
Here's how it works for my buddy and me. We don't hold hands as we cross the street, but we do talk every week or two as our schedules allow for a half hour. We each talk for 15 minutes about what we're doing to promote our books. We celebrate successes, ask questions, share tips and professional development information, and––significantly––affirmation.
As I'm preparing for our call each week, I generally I feel a little ache about the non-primary place my authoring life has in the context of my larger life these days, and I feel the weight of all I have not been able to accomplish. But as soon as I'm on the phone with my writing promotion buddy, I'm totally invigorated by my own report of what I have accomplished when I hear in my own voice my forward momentum. When my listener proclaims sincerely, as she often does, "That's so GREAT!" I have fresh appreciation for myself and my work. In short, I have my gold star. But an even more important energy source is my excitement about what my friend is accomplishing. Her commitment fuels my own. Her successes are little beacons illuminating what's possible in the literary life.
I generally leave our conversations with at least a few marketing and business-building ideas I'm excited to explore, strategies to attempt and books to read. That's a lot of value from a very brief interaction. Just as a half hour run in the morning energizes the rest of the day, this call often enlivens my week. Do you have a reliable energy source in your writing life?
Is there some aspect of your goals or commitments that feels a bit wobbly to you? Is there a realm of to-do or to-be that could benefit from a little extra accountability, friendship or fun? (You could have an affirmation buddy, a submissions buddy, a public speaking buddy, a celebration buddy, a freewriting buddy, a poem/page-a-day buddy, a goal-setting buddy…You get the idea.) I invite you to choose a writing buddy with a specific, shared goal/purpose and commit to a half hour once a week or even once a month where the two of you specifically address this single issue together. I think you may be amazed at how the little tender seed of desire in you sinks its roots and sends out flowers with even the most modest of attention from someone who is invested in your success.
Do you already have a writing buddy? Tell us about what's worked best for you.
