Finding My Way Through the Maze to Reach a Milestone: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. –Paulo Coelho
Photo Credit: Google Images- wikipedia
Finding My Way Through the Maze to Reach a Milestone: A Memoir Moment
Do you ever wonder how you would react if you were gobsmacked with a major health crisis? Yes, gobsmacked. It ‘s a perfect word to describe what it feels like when you’ve been handed a diagnosis. With that one label, life, as you knew it changes irrevocably.
None of us likes change; it’s not easy to accept but finding our way through the maze to reach the milestone will offer many gifts–peace of mind, new perspectives, and an improved sense of well-being.
A few months ago, I shared that I would be starting home peritoneal dialysis due to chronic kidney disease secondary to cancer chemotherapy and subsequent heart failure. Trust me, I’m one of the lucky ones. Although chemotherapy damaged my heart and kidneys, it cured the Stage Four Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma that invaded my body in December of 1996.
I’m still here. Living a very good life.
But, I’m not going to tell you it was a rosy path to enlightenment. To be honest, it has been a tedious and intense experience with a very steep learning curve. I even allowed myself a few “pity parties”. I told my nurse the other day that I was glad I didn’t fully understand what I was getting myself into or how my life would change. I liken the experience to childbirth–I want the end product (feeling better and living longer) but I’m glad I’m on the other side of the journey.
Why do I want to share these details, you ask?
Here’s my reason..somebody out there, maybe you, may be undergoing your own health crisis. You may feel scared, anxious, fearful, depressed by the uncertainty and the need to make major lifestyle changes to accommodate this change in your health status.
Knowing I’m not alone helps me and I hope sharing my story will help someone else struggling with a health issue or any life-changing situation.
I’ve been there and done that over these past few months of navigating my way through the winding road of learning and doing home peritoneal dialysis–keeping up on the massive inventory of supplies, the frequent clinic visits, phone calls, lab work,etc.
Two weeks after having a surgical procedure in February for placement of a catheter in my abdomen, I started training for doing manual “exchanges’ at the kidney center–hand scrub for 1 minute, mask, scrub end of catheter with alcohol for 2 minutes. Repeat with each exchange. After two weeks, I graduated back home for the procedure. Hook up–drain, fill and dwell. Repeat every four hours four times a day.For six weeks. Through the maze of tasks and to-do lists–oh no, I’m running out of soap, face masks, 3×3 gauze and sterile caps. Call for a rush order. Lab work shows I need Iron injections weekly for five weeks. Back to the clinic. Time to reorder supplies…properly dispose of the heaps of empty solution bags, tubing, etc, keep environment dust-free and disinfected. Wash towels in hot water every day…
I want my life back!
Wait a minute. This IS my life. And when I stop long enough to think about it, I am beginning to feel better. What my kidneys can no longer do on their own, the dialysis is stepping in to flush those toxins away. It is working. And I will live longer, barring any other unforeseen event, because of it.
I needed an attitude adjustment…
though I have to admit I sometimes look at people and think do you appreciate your functioning kidneys? Then I remember how I never gave it a thought when I didn’t have a problem.
As with any journey, there are setbacks and obstacles along the way.
And milestones.
Last week I reached a major milestone.
Nighttime cycler…my new best buddy.
I transitioned to the nighttime cycler, which means the machine automatically performs the dialysis while I sleep. So simple. It is programmed for my specific needs and all I have to do is hook up to it and roll over. And I really do sleep.
I’m free during the day (again) at last and am planning on working my way back to ..the gym, writer’s conferences, traveling to see family and friends…my life as I knew it. Or close enough.
It took a long time to get here but it feels great.
I feel like a bear must feel in Spring when he sees the first light of day after months of winter slumber… a brand new season awaits.
Here are a few lessons I’ve learned to share with those undergoing life-altering events:
Reframe…what this experience means to you and how you will find your equilibrium again. For me, it has meant viewing this procedure as a lifesaving/improving option versus a restriction.
Take back your power to live your life on your own terms. You are still you and you are still in control.
Keep the self-talk positive and if you’re having a bad day, let it be but set a timer on how long you will sit with your negative thoughts.
Keep moving forward …one step at a time. Baby steps. Walk before you run and then take flight.
And, of course, where there’s life, there’s hope.
I’ll leave you with this quote:
“Don’t be pulled by your problems. Be led by your dreams.” (Author Unknown)
Bon Voyage!
***
How about you? I’d love to hear your story of finding your way through the maze to reach a milestone in your journey.
Let’s talk. Please leave your comments below~
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