The Oldest Trick in the Book

‘The oldest trick in the book’ was our prompt at the Off the Cuff writing group last week. Oh, and the words nutshell, kindness and hedgehog needed to feature somewhere too. The title seemed to call for a crime story, so that was the direction I took. This is another of those tales that works best largely told in dialogue, with the main character revealing his own stupidity, as well as the details of the crime.

“It was that weaselly-looking fellow, over there. The one with his hair all on end like a hedgehog. He told us about it,” said the landlord of the Plough Inn.
The constable turned, seeking out a weaselly-hedgehog-looking type. There was no such person in sight. “Have the kindness to tell me the full story again, sir,” he said.
The landlord stood with his arms akimbo. “There is no time for that. He is getting away!”
“Since he is not in sight, it makes no odds,” said the constable, stubbornly. “Tell me all the particulars, if you would.”
The landlord caved in. “Oh, very well. I was just taking the delivery of ale – same as every Monday morning. The horse and cart were outside the inn, right there.” He pointed. “The carter was overseeing the unloading.”
“And then…?”
“And then up runs the weaselly-looking fellow and says, “Hey! Such a wonder! You never saw the like! A star has fallen into the village pond!”
“A star,” said the constable, “I see.”
“Well, it’s not every day you see such a thing, is it? Not in broad daylight. And the carter and I consider ourselves students of the heavens, sir. We often discuss the astronomy, everybody knows. Why, his very horse is named Altair after one of the brighter ones. It was our duty to go and see this great wonder when it had landed pretty much on our doorstep, don’t you agree? So off we ran, directly, to investigate.”
“And…?” said the constable, wearily.
“And when we reached the pond, there was no star. It is an ephemeral thing, to be sure, but we had hoped there would be something left of it. Nothing, sir, nothing to be seen. And when we came back to the inn – very disappointed, as you might imagine – there was nothing to be seen here, neither. No cart, no horse, no ale, no brandy kegs, and none of the sundry other items I had ordered. In a nutshell, sir, while we were looking for that fallen star my entire order of drink and victuals had vanished.”
“That fellow distracted you with his stories,” said the constable, “distracted you both, knowing your interest in the astronomy, and the regular time of the delivery, in order to commit this robbery. It is the oldest trick in the book.” He thought that was putting it plainly enough.
The landlord stared at him in confusion. “Distracted us, sir? But however did he cause a star to fall out of the heavens at just the right time on a Monday morning in order to do it? Answer me that, sir!”

My new short story collection, Mr Muggington’s Discovery and Other Stories is out now http://tinyurl.com/hec25gr. For further gentle humour: The Larus Trilogy – Isle of Larus myBook.to/MyAmazonLinks , Sea of Clouds myBook.to/MyAmazonBooks and All the Wild Weather (to be published later this year).