Just Processing the Meaning of Hardships Today
Today I have a whole bunch of stuff to share with you, and stick with me to the end, because I’m going to wrap it all up together!
Next week is my cousin’s 40th birthday.
What makes that special is that her birthday and my birthday are just two days apart, and when we were kids we always had joint birthday parties. Well, she has adorable kids now, and she lives on the other side of the country in the mountains, and we haven’t had our birthdays together in about twenty years. So my daughter Katie and I are flying out on Sunday so that we can do our birthdays together.
Then, after we leave, Katie and I are going to go on a big hike for my birthday, somewhere in the Rockies.
Yay! I’m excited.
But my dad lives out in British Columbia too, and as my long-time readers know, I have a bit of an iffy relationship with him. He left when I was two, and I only ever saw him for about a week a year (seriously, I would fly out, by myself, starting at the age of 6. They let you do that back then). I don’t think I ever bonded with him, and he’s a bit of an odd duck. Sort of the typical absent minded professor. Sweet if he’s not part of your family, but if he is in your family it’s weird because he doesn’t seem to have normal emotions.
To top it all off he has Alzheimer’s.
So the whole thing is very emotionally draining. Conversations are sometimes strained because I never know what to talk about. Our lives are so different. I’m just grateful that Katie’s with me this time around because we can talk about her.
Anyway, if you think of it, say a prayer for me over the weekend when I’ll be seeing my dad. It’s just a strange time.
Keith and I were in Pennsylvania last week, for two different Girl Talks.
They were my last ones for the year–but my next one is in Erie, Pennsylvania, on September 11. So when things start up again I’ll be back in PA, on my way to Michigan, Iowa, Kansas and Oklahoma.
I’m still booking for Girl Talks or marriage days (where Keith and I speak together) in those states, so if you have a church that may be interested, just email me!
While we were in Pennsylvania, we were driving along and saw the sign for the Flight 93 memorial. We took the detour and went to see it. I shared a little bit about that earlier, but I just wanted to share a few more pictures.
When you first go in to the Visitor’s Center, they have a great display of the timeline of events and what all the passengers did.
I remember reading in the days and weeks after 9/11 about Flight 93. How there were so many big guys–former football players. How everybody was travelling as a single, none as couples or together (how often does that happen?), so that people would be forced to call home and would find out what had already happened. How brave they all were.
I was riveted especially by the story of Todd Beamer, who didn’t have a cell phone with him, so used one of those AirFones in the back of the seat. He didn’t get a hold of his wife Lisa (I actually met her at a Christian book convention once), but he did talk to the operator. And they recited the Lord’s Prayer, and Psalm 23, and then he said, “Let’s roll!”
They had three recorded phone messages there that you could listen to of passengers saying goodbye to their families. Keith couldn’t listen, but I did. It was really sad, but what got me was how nobody was falling apart. They barely even cried. The flight attendant, especially, was just really calm and said what needed to be said.
It was like you could just hear that the peace of God was on that plane to do what had to be done.
Then you go outside and they’ve got a path you can walk that traces the route of the airplane before it crashed in the field.
You can’t go out to the impact point, but they have a boulder there. But you can walk and look. They do have a wall of remembrance with everybody’s name written.
All in all it was just very moving. You came away feeling like some amazing people were on the flight, and they fought back, and they earned our gratitude and respect.
We saw Gettysburg a few days later.
Very overwhelming too–just the magnitude and scale of the loss of life. But so many amazing stories of split second decisions that changed the course of the battle.
But again, very grateful for the sacrifice.
“With firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right.”
These are difficult times in our world. I’ve just been thinking about that–may we always have the firmness to see the right.
And yet the stories of Gettysburg, and the amazing memories of Flight 93, gave me a lot of hope. When things look bad, God really does show up. And He gives us amazing gifts of peace and bravery that on our own we may never have. We’re equipped for the work and the role that He’s chosen us for.
I don’t know why those particular people were on Flight 93. I recently read a book by Randy Alcorn called hand in Hand talking about the predestination/free will debate, and how we can really understand God’s sovereignty and human choice. Does God REALLY plan suffering for us? Does He allow us to choose anything, or are our steps already planned by Him?
I just want to leave you with some of Alcorn’s words as I’ve been pondering all of this:
The individual ingredients of trials and tragedies taste bitter to us. Romans 8:28 doesn’t tell me I should say “It is good” if I get robbed and beaten, or if my child dies. But when God carefully measures and mixes the ingredients, then raises the temperature, at just the right time he produces a perfect final product. God has mixed the not-so-tasty ingredients. He’s baking the cake. We can smell it and get a first bite in this life. But the world where we’ll sit down and eat that perfectly delicious cake is not this one, but the next.
Alcorn doesn’t say that pain doesn’t matter. In fact, it matters very much to God. But God can take that pain and bring redemption out of it. He goes on to say:
When we acknowledge the suffering and pain of this life–but look forward to a glorious future with God in which the worst hardships here can’t compare to the least joys there–we find strength and encouragement to finish our course. While no current explanation (including mine) of our suffering on earth can suffice, Paul assures us that our eventual experience in eternity will more than suffice.
It’s a great book; you can get it here.
This week has made me look forward to heaven more and more. God is writing a story.
The events at Gettysburg looked so bleak. The tragedy of Flight 93–and the three other planes and everyone on the ground–is still so fresh. But God did show up in amazing ways on both days. His peace was there.
And so it is that I fly out to British Columbia to see my family–one branch of it that I’m so excited about, and one that I tend to only see in trepidation.
Yet both are part of my story. Both branches made me who I am today.
And it is only with that perspective of a small, 6-year-old child, traveling on a plane by herself to see someone who is virtually a stranger, that I had to start talking to God by myself to keep my courage up. I continue that habit even to this day–to have a running conversation with God in my head all the time.
He was there with me on the plane ride forty years ago. I felt Him. And the knowledge of how much I had lost when my father left made me so passionate about my own marriage and giving my kids the best home I could. I wouldn’t change my past, even if I could, simply because I wouldn’t change my present.
I wouldn't change my past, even if I could, because I wouldn't want to change my present.
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If you want to read more about my story with my Dad, or how I processed missing out on him and then later losing my son, I’ve written it all in my book How Big Is Your Umbrella. The ebook version is only $2.99–I want to keep it inexpensive so it can really help people–but it walks you through what God taught me about dealing with hardships and accepting grief in your life. If you’re walking through a hard time, it goes over all the things I yelled at God–and what He whispered back.
You can see it here.
Have you seen God use your past hurts to shape you? Has God ever showed up in a big way and given you incredible peace in the moment that you can’t explain? Let me know in the comments!
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