Application to al-Qaeda for the position of leader

Dear Sir,

I understand a vacancy has opened up in your organisation, and I thought it a good idea to get my application in early. From what I can gather, there is going to be quite a stampede for Osama bin Laden's old job. Condolences, by the way. I'm sure he was a lovely chap and thoroughly undeserving of a bullet in the eye. Still and all. It's an occupational hazard, is it not?

While I must commend your organisation on the great strides it has made in the business of crushing the depraved...