Where Are You Going?

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know I get a lot of letters every week. A lot of letters. I've been noticing a theme of late that I want to talk about: I've been getting a lot of letters from people who are very willing to explain how they got into the mess they are in, but bring no ideas to the table about how they are going to move forward. It usually goes something like this:

Gail, I've been a big ol' dumbass. I've spent too much money, bought a home that's way more than I can afford, been carrying student debt for decades, and just quit my job. I'm also about to get a divorce, and I don't know how I'll ever get over all the tragedy in my life. So, Gail, I need your help. What should I do now?

Many folks are using where they have been to justify where they are. They are looking backward. If you want your life to change, you must look forward. You must use where you are now to push you forward to where you want to be. You must get moving.

Listen, y'all, my life has not always been a bed of roses. My first husband beat the crap out of me. It took a huge amount of courage to leave, but leave I did. In my second marriage, I had everything a girl could want: a lovely home, a nice car, beautiful clothes, two vacations a year. All I had to give up was me: I had to compromise so much I didn't even recognize myself anymore. I got out. And do you think that leaving the man you've been married to for 18 years with two kids in tow was easy? It was the toughest thing I've ever done. But it was that or watch my child wounded over and over; so I got out.

I've been an immigrant, a divorcee (and scoffed at for it), unemployed, broke, beaten, and ignored by those I thought would always have my back. I have never let any of that stop me from moving forward. My life experiences have informed who I am, but not defined who I am.

We all have the ability to take control of our lives. But first we must stop seeing ourselves as victims and start believing that we are the masters of our own destinies. We must stop looking back and start looking forward. And we must act.

Know that everything you do (or not do) is a choice. There are options. Know, too, that every life has crap in it. You may not be able to see anyone else's crap, but it's there. So stop assuming your life is the worst life going. It's not. And if it is, it's because you choose to stay in that place. Shift your focus and you'll shift your outcome.

I am very happy to help people. It's one of the things I love most about what I do. And when I meet people, or get letters from people, who say I've helped, I'm at once honoured and thrilled. But these people are the ones who take the info I provide and DO SOMETHING with it. They act. They change. They move forward.

If I've been able to help them see things differently or develop skills they didn't have, that's only a small part of what's different in their lives. The big part is them. YOU have to be the big part of the change you want in your life. No one else can do it for you.

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