Worries

So. My May 30 appointment with what my brain insists on calling "the trans doctor," though he's actually a urologist. I keep worrying about the image I need to project, thinking I'll have to seem like a fairly well-adjusted person in order to get hormones, but then I think, no, that can't possibly be one of the criteria ... can it? I think maybe I'd like to bring Chris, but then I remember he hasn't started consistently using male pronouns for me. I haven't yet asked him to, and he's happy to do it whenever I'm ready, but I worry that the doctor will think it's strange if he slips up and calls me "she" or "her." If I do bring Chris, I'm afraid the doctor will turn out to be one of those people who doesn't think gay trans men are really men. In general, I'm afraid the doctor will be as condescending and dismissive as most of my pain doctors have been. I'm afraid he'll assume I'm "just crazy" if I reveal that I take Prozac, Wellbutrin, and (intermittently these days) benzodiazepines. I'm afraid to even mention that I use anything at all for pain, since pot is illegal (no medical marijuana laws here) and I get my Tramadol from a pharmacy website rather than deal with another goddamn orthopedist. But I know he'll need to do bloodwork; will all this shit just show up anyway? I worry that I'll cry. And I haven't told my mom about the appointment because she's still stressed out from the move and I don't want to upset her. I don't think it would, but I'd rather wait until I see how the appointment goes.