Insecurities

We all have them. Some of us are lucky enough to deal with them, and banish them to the great mental closet of 'past baggage no longer needed.' Others of us? Not so much. And some even love to inflict their insecurities on the rest of us. As a very wise person said, "The things we do not like in others are the things that we do not like about ourselves."

I never would have believed it, but it's so true.

For years, I struggled to be what everyone thought I should be. They told me I was too heavy for my age, too loud, too bossy, too opinionated, too this, too that. And I believed them. For so many years I struggled with extreme depression, anxiety, stress, and self-loathing because I wasn't the ideal. Over twenty years of shaming myself, of guilting myself because I didn't fit.

And then today I found out that the person who has hounded me the most about my weight had been in a relationship where her (thankfully former) spouse repeatedly threatened her if she got an inch over her size 14. And that another person who has dissed my family has actually suffered from the exact things she claims (erroneously) we're guilty of.

It's a perfect example of the adage 'what goes around, comes around,' and I never would have believed it. It's also extremely easy (and sad) to see how this cycle continues…

But me? I'm done with it all. I wish I had noticed this pattern earlier (much earlier, really), but that's the way life goes. I probably wasn't ready to admit such a crazy, insane thing was possible. Now, however, the blinders are off, and I feel like I'm finally ready to move on with my life.

Hello, blue skies…