3 Tips for Parent Writers

Writers come in all shapes and sizes, from every context and background. Today, Shauntea Gauthier, a NaNoWriMo participant, shares what it means to be both a writer and a stay-at-home parent:

If you are a stay-at-home parent and a writer you are doing two jobs that:

a lot of people who haven’t tried doing either already think they can do better than you, and don’t pay enough. 

The internet is sprinkled with sage advice like “sleep when the baby sleeps”. Parents like me laugh and laugh and laugh. I have two toddlers and a third-grader. There is no “sleep”. There are also no lunch breaks, commutes, weekends, or vacation days.

If you can’t use the bathroom in peace, how are you supposed to get this writing thing done?

Tip 1: Ditch the guilt.

“Show, don’t tell” is a staple of writing advice clichés, and what are you showing your kids by continuing to write? That hard work pays off. That their dreams are worth chasing. That’s what you do by nurturing your craft. 

You show them what work ethic looks like. You show them that parents can have fulfilling careers and love their kids. You show them that you believe in yourself. When you tell them these things later, they will know you mean it. Give yourself permission to write.

Tip 2: Ask for help.

Accept help. Use some of the time you spend waiting in lines to scribble on a notepad. Pay for help if you can, even if it’s asking someone to watch them while you’re home or at the park. 

If you have a working spouse, remember that it’s their job to be a parent, too. If you haven’t asked them to take over in a while, it might be hard to ask, but everyone will benefit in the long term. Accept that it will take some time and many adjustments to get a workable schedule going.

Tip 3: Reward everybody.

Let your kids know at every break that they are great at behaving while you work. Just like you deserve a treat when you write, kids deserve something that only happens when you write. Try a favorite movie, a favorite toy, or an activity that doesn’t require you to help. This is a special occasion. 

When you’re done for the day, whether it’s twenty minutes or two hours, reward everyone with a “together” activity. Being consistent is hard but it is the only thing that kids of all ages respond to.

Bonus Tip: Parenting and writing are similar in a lot of ways. You have started a brave and difficult journey, and no one seems to care. Remind yourself frequently to try again. You are not alone. The journey is worth it.

Shantea Gauthier is a novelist and a Californian; not necessarily in that order. She has a passion for dance, movement, and writing people who act like people (even if they aren’t always human). The only way she can get a first draft done is a NaNoWriMo gun-to-the-head style deadline. Find her books on Amazon. See what’s new on her Facebook page, and follow her on Twitter.