In the beginning

I have to say it's almost 6 am and I have not yet been to bed.  For those of you that know me, you understand that this is just how I am.  I've always been an insomniac, and I write best at night.  The past two nights however have been consumed by something else - research.  I decided to embark on this publishing journey knowing absolutely nothing about this business.  Things like agents, query letters, and promotion baffled and confused me.  I knew nothing about formatting a book for paperback or electronic format.  I didn't even know how to use twitter.  It took me a week to find the @mentions on the home page.  I am not kidding.  I didn't know what the Kindle Boards were, or anything about royalty rights to use images for book covers.  In the last month, I have learned all these things.  It was like taking a crash course in everything publishing related.

Doing more research over the last couple nights has shown me how little I still know, and how much more there is to all of this.  I feel like a complete and total newbie.  The point is, I won't be a newbie forever.  I think gradually all these things will become easier.  I've started this journey now, and I can't stop.  I have to keep going.  Writing is and has always been my passion.  I've noticed that I'm not alone.  I am finding other authors who are on the same journey as I am.  It helps to know them.

In the beginning I was lost.  I felt like I should know all these things.  I felt like not knowing them meant I was a bad writer, and I was wasting my time, and in comes the negative thought train.  It's hard to stop once it gets enough steam.  I was embarrassed that I was even trying this without learning all of these things first.  I was then horrified I would get a negative review and my dream that I held sacred and close to me for so long would just die.  What I have learned... and heard from so many other authors is that it's okay to not be perfect the first time out.  It's okay.  It happens.  Write another book.  A better book.

I am proud of my progress.  I'm finally doing what I love to do, and I'm not scared anymore.  One of the places I ended up randomly tonight was author Lauren DeStefano's blog.  Her debut novel is WITHER.  I want to know about the experiences of other authors, and I'm trying to learn as much as I can.  I totally got sucked into her writing and ended up reading the entire blog.  I found an amazing guest blog post she wrote as well - What to Expect When You Are Aspiring & Why You Need A Dragon.  I highly recommend any aspiring authors to check it out.  (I am definitely a fluffy kitten).  It's related to traditional publishing, but like I said I'm trying to learn everything I can. 

I can't shake this feeling, like I'm the new kid in school.  I'm trying to make friends, trying to find someone to sit with at lunch.  In fact it's kind of like my freshman year in high school revisited.  I can see the popular kids, they all sit together.  They all have designer clothes and are extremely attractive.  I want to be like them, and yet I know that's not where I fit in.  I actually have no idea really where I fit in so I stand there holding my tray.  Eventually I just decide to sit by myself and write instead.  Maybe someone will come along and sit with me.  Maybe they won't.  That's not the point.  I'm doing what I love, and I'm right where I am supposed to be.