The real meaning of holidays … chocolate.

Is it hypocritical to have abandoned one's Catholicism yet still be very much in favour of Easter Eggs, and if so, is it more or less hypocritical than Easter being a certain time of year simply to try to lure ye olde pagans in? Things to ponder.

Anyway. In the spirit of Easter Eggs, let me talk about chocolate.

Creme Eggs

'I can't eat them, they're too sweet,' is what grown-ups are supposed to say about things this sugary and delicious. I don't want to talk about how many of these I'm capable of eating in a day – it's embarrassing – but oh they are beautiful. They must be the correct size, though – Creme Egg bars or mini-Creme Eggs are just tragic.

Caramel bars

Whether it's Cadbury or Galaxy you're going for, caramel bars are the way to go. Cadbury's caramel bars are firmer, Galaxy's are more liquid, and of course you've got the different tastes of the chocolate as well. Both glorious in their own way. Caramel Freddos from Cadbury's are also the way to go for those seeking the liquidy caramel of the Galaxy but the Cadbury's chocolate – or if you like your chocolate frog-shaped.

After Eights

Mint and dark chocolate, and so thin and gorgeous, the crinkle of the dark chocolate and the sliver of mint fondant… yum. And it's always after eight o'clock… even if that does mean 8am.

70%+ cocoa bars

I used to be a Bourneville junkie, but now it tastes far too sickly-sweet. If there's dark chocolate to be had, it should be high-cocoa and bitter. Have heard delightful rumours about antioxidants and one small square a day being good for your health, so that's always a plus.

M&Ms

Oh, M&Ms. Better than Smarties – milk chocolate from Mars is infinitely superior to that from Nestle – and coming in so many colours. For an added bonus, there are peanut M&Ms – but never the crispy ones. Never.

Mars Ice-Cream

Mars ice-cream bars are far better than Mars bars, because they've merged the tedious nougat bit with the ice-cream, giving it a denser, chewier texture than ice-creams usually do, but still sufficiently light and summery. Plus it benefits from being based on a chocolate bar – much as I love Feasts, for example, the quality of the chocolate is always disappointing.

Chocolate mousse

Is there a better breakfast dessert than chocolate mousse? I think not. Some may say chocolate cake, but they are wrong.

And now an important question: chocolate biscuits, a way of incorporating chocolate into your day, guilt-free, or a waste of perfectly good chocolate?