Happy May! Some Results, and Trying to Get Back My Mojo

Happy May!

I’ve been trying to process all my news, including the fact that (yay!) I don’t most likely have metastatic cancer (this, according to a conference of liver tumor specialists including radiologists and hematologists and oncologists) which is good! But I do have a bunch of irregular and rare kinds of liver tumors which they are calling adenomatosis – basically a rare/irregular presentation of an already rare kind of tumor. The bad news is they want to keep monitoring them every three months – because they can burst or turn into cancer sometimes – and they want me off the medication that’s been controlling my rare bleeding disorder for the last twenty years. Yikes! On top of that, I’m investigating (again) more stuff about the brain lesions, because of the new one that looks like it could be one of several bad things, so, more radiation second and third readings and second opinions from neurologists are ahead. Can’t I ever be just average or anything? I was joking with my friends that I’ve become “the most interesting woman in the world” – but only medically speaking. (My liver specialist said they did my case first at the conference, because it was so interesting and difficult!)

So, in the meantime, I’m once again trying to manage and balance all the health stuff with an ACTUAL life, like, writing and friends and doing things other than sitting in doctor’s offices and getting tests. It’s been unseasonably warm here in the Northwest, so, even though I would never wear shorts after 40, yes, I gave in and bought three pair. I’ve been out walking through parks and the woods almost very single day, and so far so good on the ankles and tripping/falling issues. I’m trying to get my strength back after back-to-back ankle injuries earlier this year. I’ve been eating tons of fresh veggies and fruits (cherries on the side of the road!) and bringing home flowers every week. This whole health crisis has made me even more aware of the necessity of being good to your body as much as possible.



And everywhere there are signs of spring – in the deep woods the trillium, ducklings along the Sammamish river, baby bunnies, yellow iris along the waterfront and our quarterly pilgrimage to Snoqualmie Falls and Ollalie State Park. It’s a reminder – life goes on, nature is ruffling itself with blossoms. It’s hard to be depressed with so much sunshine!

Now I want – despite upcoming doctor’s appointments, stresses, and even more tests – to move myself out of crisis mode and into writer mode again. I haven’t been writing or sending out as much as I usually do this whole year so far, and of course we’re still looking for a house in our insane East Side/Seattle market (record high prices! record low inventory! record..sigh.) I’m ready for my next chapters, with the whole “dying of cancer” scenario off the table, at least temporarily. (Everything is temporary, you remind yourself. Often.)

I’d love to know how you have moved yourself out of a tough time back into your regular creative routines. I know there’s an adjustment period, a kind of getting back into not just a “normalized” state of mind, but I want to start to look forward again, instead of having a fear that you shouldn’t even plan for a future that might not come true.