Overpromise and Underdeliver

Wait… check that… reverse it.

That's what I always remind myself.  Underpromise and overdeliver.

And I mean to.  I do.

But when I'm faced with a task… or an avalanche of tasks… this Superman cape appears on my back and I find myself with my hands on my hips, laughing in the face of the onslaught and knowing for one hundred percent sure that I can tackle it, no problem, and in no time at all.

Then I realize I need things like… oh… sleep, and I have to reconsider my original assessment.

Nowhere is this more evident than in my diary to Miss M.  When I first got pregnant with her, I promised myself I would write to her for five minutes a day, every day.  Totally do-able, right?  What's five minutes?

Only sometimes even five minutes were hard to come by, and after days (or weeks) with no entries at all, I'd finally sit down to write, and the entire first paragraph would be, "Hey, Baby!  So — no shocker — I owe you about a zillion minutes and I'm so sorry, but things got totally crazy…"

I'd spend more than five minutes just apologizing for my lack of daily five minutes.  After particularly long periods without writing to her, I'd be loath to even begin, because how could I possibly make up several hours of journaling?  And make no mistake, I knew it was hours, because I kept meticulous track of how much time I missed, and how much time I'd have to write to make up for what was lost, and be back to where I "should" be.

"Should," I've realized, is a terrible thing.

I used to think it was self-empowering.  I should be able to do the impossible!  Doesn't that mean I feel like a superstar?

No, it means I feel like I'm not allowed to be human and have limitations.  That's not self-empowering, it's self-thwarting, because it only leads me being angry with myself when I can't meet goals that were ridiculous to begin with.

I've gotten a lot better at this over the years, but I still have a long way to go.  Tonight, I'm starting with my journal to Miss M.  As I mentioned in this blog post about ignoring my bills, I just went through a crazy period of intense work, where everything else fell by the wayside, including the journal.  Despite the fact that there are a million little things I'm dying to immortalize, I've been avoiding it, because I know the amount of time I owe the journal is so insurmountable.

Yet the minute I finish this post, I'm going to click over and get back to it, with a major exception.  I'm no longer going to keep track of the minutes I write, or the minutes I owe.  I will write the journal when the mood hits, whether it's for thirty seconds or thirty minutes, with no pressure to "make up" lost time, or "bank" time for when chaos hits.  I will write to Miss M for the pleasure of it, and without the pressure of any "shoulds."

I bet I'll have more fun with it that way, and write more often.  And when I do present the journal to Miss M when she heads off to college (that's my grand scheme), she won't have to wade through any more paragraphs of me flagellating myself for not living up to a ridiculous expectation.

Do you do this to yourself?  Do you jump at the chance to do the impossible?  Do you over-commit, then struggle to make sure you don't under-perform?  Are you a reformed over-committer?  What are your tricks for managing your to-do list and your time?