I can explain everything

Over on Facebook, some readers have suspicions in a post cc'd to Jimmy Akin and me:

Reader A: Both you and Mark Shea have beards (and almost the same color). Is this a coincidence? Your profile pics, one right after the other in my news feed, cause me to do a double-take in order to tell you apart! ; )

Reader B: Personally, I believe they're both one in the same person! Jimmy (aka Mark Shea) just leads a double-lie, err, I meant life. Also, I've noticed how they both conveniently recommend each other's books to the public. Hmm...

Thanks to the Photoshop/digital age we live in, I wouldn't even be convinced by a photograph that showed both of them standing together. :p

Mark Shea: Now I have to kill you.

Reader B: You will? Don't you mean Jimmy Akin will? ;)

You'll be in "Portland" several hundred miles away from the boating "accident", which will occur near San Diego...

Clearly, Reader B is far too clever to be allowed to live. As for "Jimmy Akin", it's common knowledge that we Dark Lords have a lot of body doubles, food tasters and sundry expendables in our entourage to make it harder for assassins, poisoners, knife throwers and disgruntled former victims employees to annoy us. You'll never see "Jimmy" coming, Reader B.

As a matter of fact, I have (at least two) body doubles, one on the West Coast (known to the public as "Jimmy Akin"):



And one in DC:



...disguised as a mild-manner theology student at Catholic University. I keep him there to throw off assassins during my high level secret meetings with Obama in which I scheme with the President to persuade unwitting Catholics that I am not actually a gay Planned Parenthood supporter infiltrating the blogosphere with my secret pro-Administration agenda of not voting for him.

I love it when The Plan comes together.