white knight--destructive love myth #12

I guess this one is for guys. Because they think women want to be rescued. And sometimes women think so, too. There's that weird scene at the end of Pretty Woman where Richard Gere comes in on a white horse that is supposed to make us think that somehow these two could work together as a couple long term. But whenever writers use an old cliche like that and then a long camera angle, you know it's because they don't believe it, either.

The truth is, there are situations in which you'd think a woman would want to be rescued, right? From an abusive boyfriend. From a family life that is oppressive. From a rude and horrible boss at work. From the mean girls at school. From poverty. From her pimp/drug dealer. From a man's point of view, it seems so obvious. The woman is in a bad place. Get her out of bad place=happiness and long-lasting relationship. The woman will be forever grateful, right? She will know that the man is someone to be depended on, someone responsible and good. And women might at first believe they want this, too.

They don't. Women in general don't want to be grateful to a man. They don't want to have a relationship based on their past weaknesses. And they really, really don't want to be reminded that they couldn't solve a problem on their own. In fact, what usually happens is that women go back to the old situation, some sooner, some later. Back to the abusive boyfriend, or to a new abusive boyfriend, back to poverty, back to the family life. Why do they do this? It makes no sense, right? They go back because they are either more comfortable in that life or sometimes because they need to rescue themselves.

You know when a woman talks about problems, the last thing she wants is for the man listening to her to tell her the solution to everything, right? Well, most women. It's because this makes women feel stupid and powerless. And a woman who feels stupid and powerless doesn't fall in love all that fast. Go figure.

So what are you supposed to do, sit around and watch the woman you love up in that Tower? Wring your hands and wait around for her to do something for herself?

Well, um, yeah. Kinda, sorta.

Or you could, like, go look for a woman who is already together enough she doesn't need rescuing.