Planet Nine

by Heather

          Life gets complicated when you have five children.

         Last week, the Romantic Times Convention took place in Los Angeles. I've done this convention from the onset--which is far more years than I care to mention! But, it's fun, sheer fun. I was so excited that the convention was going to be in Los Angeles because it meant that I was close to my youngest daughter, Chynna, who goes to school at CalArts. My kids are not fond of all my conventions, and they've all been to most--that's what happens when you attend a lot of events and have small children. Okay, they're not small anymore, but they were when I started, and they were hauled one place or another because when you have five, it's really hard to get anyone to watch them. [that's me as Marilyn Monroe in the photo, with my daughter Bryee, along with Kathryn and Jo Carol, who are RT] 

            But this convention, they all love. It's because I host a vampire party with Helen Rosburg, we put on a dinner theater, and what money we make from raffles, etc, goes to the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric Aids Foundation. If you're going to have five kids, you try to make use of them, so they all take part. 

            But go figure. Chynna is a theater major, and though the convention center was a half hour away, the rehearsals for her show conflicted with ours. I honestly think God loves me, so maybe He was just trying to put me in my place!

            Still, the show must go on, minus Chynna. We have a cast of thousands--okay, nineteen people, and this year the show was Zombie Dancers from Planet 9. The zombies on Planet 9 are running out of food, and therefore must find new worlds where they can dine. Preparing for domination of that planet called Earth, they studied earthlings and discovered that they liked entertainment, reality TV, soaps, movie, dancing . . . and so on Planet 9, the Starfleet Commander (F.Paul Wilson) and his crew of writers and directors hold a casting session, complete with casting couch. TLC's own Harley Jane Kozak came out to audition as a dramatically emoting Shakespearean actress; we also had writer Beth Ciotta as a magnificent mime, Alexandra Sokoloff as a pole dancer, with her own pole-- Zach Bolden who is a millimeter shy of 7 feet tall. He was wrapped in silver. My son Shayne made an appearance as Zim Zorrison for a rousing rendition of "Light My Fire," and son Jason made a fantastic Zobbie the Zobot. My friend Rich Devin was a Hollywood agent for a while, and Lance Taubold is still an entertainer in Vegas. Debbie Richardson and I fought it out with a cheery tune from The Toxic Avenger--"Bitch, Slut, Liar, Whore" and naturally, the entire cast--including Juan Roca, Kathy Pickering, Mary Stella, Scott Perry, Connie Perry, and Caitlin Richardson, Helen Rosburg and husband, James--finished with "Hooray for Hollywood." The show is always a disaster waiting to happen, and therefore, as they say in Shakespeare in Love, a mystery and miracle!

            Also at the conference. Harley was a red carpet escort for the Cover Model pageant and I was called upon to judge male flesh. There was a fairy ball, a "Bollywood" night, and Harlequin Publishing threw a Night of the Stars. Oh, and a Saucy Sirens from History party--very fun. I was asked by dozens of friends why I wasn't there, but I was at the first table fulfilling my dream of being Vivian Leigh as Scarlett O'Hara. 

            Party, party, party. But . . . I also spent time with the FBI, local police, and the ATF. There is something for everyone at RT.

            I'm still in California. We waited, of course, to see our baby go up as Georgette, Queen Bee, in "The Life of the Bee" presented at CalArts. I was the usual mom in the audience, tears stinging my eyes because my baby (okay, she's 21 and 6 feet tall) was so poised and talented on stage, belting out an aria from "Carmen" and saying her lines. 

            Hung out R Bar with Scott Perry and his friend, Eric Curtis, certainly one of the world's finest young photographers. I was able to see early shots of some of the picture books they are doing, and they are amazing. 

            If you're from Florida, they teach you that California is going to drop off the continent and fall into the Pacific Ocean. I guess it will happen one day, but I think Florida will be flooded by then anyway.

            It's my last day here; one more viewing of "The Life of the Bee" and we take off tomorrow. Easter is coming up, and it's a huge family affair for us. Except, once again, I'll be missing my Queen Bee. CalArts just will not accommodate my schedule!

            Ah, well. Life gets complicated when you have five children.