Dreaming About Today and Tomorrow
You would think, having written Destitutio Quod Remissio, which is so thoroughly about and filled with being bold and faithful to Christ knowing persecution will come, but showing love, even to enemies, to whatever end, is something I’d have a firm grasp on. This is one reason I feel God sometimes leads us to write things even before we fully understand them. I had an intellectual understanding of persecution and even some heartfelt convictions, but this was different. Last night, though I had a very vivid dream, and was living it.
A lot of my dreams have seemingly intricate details and can become pretty complicated, but this was vivid in its emotional content. In the dream, my wife and I were out of town for a few weeks having fun on a vacation. In the interim, a group very similar to Boko Haram moved into our city and began to violently oppress and persecute my friends and family just for knowing us as Christians. When we returned, everyone was different. Wary, hardened to us. A friend may have betrayed us into the terrorists’ hands towards the end of the dream.
It was impossible not to be shaken by the dream and notice some very difficult realities. One being, in the dream, my wife was terrified and begged me not to post anything Christian (or at all really) online after we discovered the price others paid. My dream-self held her as she sobbed uncontrollably, afraid for us and others. The request was fair, after all, I don’t ever want to cause harm to my wife or family or friends or anyone for that matter. The possibility my choices could lead to others suffering was a staggering thing to face. Of course, it isn’t really us choosing to hurt people when we follow Christ. Those who oppose the Lord Jesus Christ choose to hate and harm others and probably would do so irrespective of our committed faith in the Lord.
A second torturous element was the bitterness and anxiety my surviving friends and family showed me because of my faith. I was shunned, hated really. The same kind of rejection faced by believers in some of the darkest places in this world. It’s always easy to imagine dealing with it in stride. Just taking what happens and pressing forward in faith, because it is for the Lord. I’m sure the Lord does give us grace to make it through such hardship, He promised to never leave us or forsake us. Seeing the disgust in my friend’s eyes though, the fear in my family’s, and knowing they wished they didn’t know me because of it or I hadn’t become a Christian because of it, that hurt in ways I could never have imagined.
Last, and most painful, when the terrorists came for me in the dream, there was no fighting back or fighting them off. No magical dream heroics or even a pitiful defense- none of that carried the powerful testimony needed to change lives and make a difference. So, in the dream I faced being martyred with those I care about most for our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. It was clear in the dream, whatever I may have hoped about it, no one was going to emerge unscathed or untouched. There was a moment where I had to decide, was it really worth losing my life in this world to continue to be a follower of Christ? To have all the world around me, everything I’ve touched and experienced and am comfortable with, to have it all ripped away in one moment and allow myself to be flung into eternity, trusting my Lord Who I’ve never seen to ferry me to His side in the land He promised awaits. A moment after I decided I could do nothing else, I woke up.
You can guess I was a little shaken up afterwards. The whole thing felt so real, the emotions and events almost palpable. Of course, it hit me thereafter, what I’d just experienced is just a taste of how it is abroad in so many places. For local believers and converts, but also for the missionaries who chose to follow Christ’s command to make disciples of all nations and go.
The choice to follow Christ is all or nothing, whether it costs you every relationship you have, your livelihood, and even your life, or not, the decision is still the same and must be made. The helplessness, the sorrow for my loved ones was so acute, and the pain of how real it all felt made me realize we are so blessed in our country to have freedom to choose right now and we ought to pray fervently for our brothers and sisters in Christ who make that incredible commitment irrespective of the cost and try to emulate that passion, faith, and zeal. I’ve always wanted my life to count for something and believed that if I wasn’t blessed to go to the Lord in the rapture, I’d want to give my life in service to Christ. Facing a shadow of it, I can say it cannot be any easy thing. It is worth it though. Because as real as the dream felt and as real as the sense of loss I faced felt, what we have waiting for us is so much better, is so much more than what we leave behind. The Apostle Peter called our hope of eternity with the Lord:
“Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. According to His great mercy, He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead and into an inheritance that is imperishable, uncorrupted, and unfading, kept in heaven for you. You are being protected by God’s power through faith for a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. You rejoice in this, though now for a short time you have had to struggle in various trials so that the genuineness of your faith—more valuable than gold, which perishes though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. You love Him, though you have not seen Him. And though not seeing Him now, you believe in Him and rejoice with inexpressible and glorious joy, because you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” (1 Peter 1:3-9, HCSB)
I think if we can focus more on the aspect of being with the Lord, which Paul said is far better than being here (Philippians 1:21, 23), it will help us hold on to our hope for eternity more sincerely. Because eternity isn’t about us living forever. Mankind had that in the Garden of Eden, and still craved something else more. Eternity is about getting to have our selves desires supplanted, because our spirits are sated with the goodness of honoring God as we always should have, and letting Him take His rightful place in our hearts. The beauty and pleasure of such an existence, where we’ll want nothing more than what we’ve always needed, and to have that desire of our hearts fulfilled; I think that can help give us courage not just to face the end, but also to face what we live through now. If dying for the Lord isn’t easy, living is at least and even harder. The Apostle Paul, while saying being with Christ was better than life in this world added, that even so, he was torn, because he also wanted to stay on, to be useful to the Lord in this life (Philippians 1:23-26), and I think keeping God in the right perspective and His promise for eternity in the right perspective is key to living out our calling in this life as we should as well.
