How About Reaching Out to Kobe Bryant?

The fury swept the gay blogosphere, likely because of the work of activist Sean Chapin, who quickly posted a video of Kobe Bryant's outburst and a call to action on Facebook. Forbes magazine's blog, remarking on the story, attributed the attention to a "Twitter explosion."

But, amidst all the furor regarding Kobe Bryant, are we letting a real moment to make progress on the issue of homophobia in sports pass us by?

The response from the National Basketball Association was admirably swift and decisive. Within 24 hours, they imposed a fine of 100,000 dollars on Mr. Bryant. NBA Commissioner David Stern was quoted as saying:

"Kobe Bryant's comment during last night's game was offensive and inexcusable. While I'm fully aware that basketball is an emotional game, such a distasteful term should never be tolerated. ... Kobe and everyone associated with the NBA know that insensitive or derogatory comments are not acceptable and have no place in our game or society."

Mr. Bryant, for his part issued a statement of apology. It was not a particularly overwhelming display of sensitivity or contrition:

"What I said last night should not be taken literally. My actions were out of frustration during the heat of the game, period. The words expressed do NOT reflect my feelings towards the gay and lesbian communities and were NOT meant to offend anyone."

Meh. Pam isn't the only one unimpressed. Among the unimpressed: John Amaechi who played professional basketball from 1995 to 2003. He since came out and shared his experiences of being gay in the NBA in his book Man In The Middle post career. He was interviewed by USA Today about the dust-up:

Q: What was your first impression when you heard Bryant's remark?

A: I'm surprised that people are surprised. This is common language when I played. It was an everyday word that I heard. I haven't seen anything new put in place (by the NBA) to tackle homophobia. There's no reason for it to somehow get better.

Q: And what do you think of Bryant's statement of "apology"?

A: I suppose that's the typical, "I apologize if you're offended"' type of comment. I doubt very much when he said that that he thought Bennie was a pile of sticks. There's only one contemporary meaning for that. The problem we have now is because of the way we don't address homophobia, the ultimate insult to a man is to tell them either they're like a woman or worse, that they're gay. We have to take it as unacceptable as a white person screaming the N-word at a black person. … I can tell you that I've been called a f——- fairly routinely, and yet people seem to hold off on calling me the N-word. We've got to mirror that progress.

Human Rights Campaign, commanding the spotlight after the grassroots put the ball in play, is happy. Executive Director Joe Solomnese said:

"I applaud Kobe Bryant for his swift apology," said Solmonese. "We had a very sincere conversation in which he expressed his heartfelt regret for the hurt that his words caused. He told me that it's never ok to degrade or tease, and that he understands how his words could unfortunately give the wrong impression that this is appropriate conduct. At the end of a difficult day, I applaud Kobe for coming forward and taking responsibility for his actions."

In conversations relayed to Forbes it does appear Bryant more fully discussed with Solomnese the implications of his remark on youth and his responsibility to model appropriate behavior, even if he did not acknowledge them in his released statement.

Unfortunately, Bryant has announced his intention to contest the fine. This, from a man who just signed a three-year contract for $90M. That's a gross of over $560,000 a week, before we factor ancillary income from endorsement and appearance fees, and investment income. It seems to me Bryant's friends and handlers might suggest he put down the shovel and pony up. It would be better optics for Bryant to be seen accepting some real responsibility than to continue to fan the headlines of this story.

But if it continues, I'd hope the LGBT community, rather than attempting to extract a pound of flesh from the situation, might try to utilize this as a teaching moment to discuss the continued prevalence of homophobia in the arena of sports. Out, proud LGBT Americans are becoming very commonplace, in our movies, TVs, offices, churches, PTA meetings. They're even scraping the ceiling of elected offices (big city and small town mayors, four in the House, though none in the Senate or Executive cabinet). And now, titularly even the armed forces, even if not yet in practice.

The leagues of professional sports are really the final frontier in LGBT acceptance. Gay Americans are everywhere. Doubtlessly, there are LGBT athletes in the ranks of professionals, and yet, we can not name one current player we can not name one current player in all the teams of the NBA, NFL, NHL, or MBL, though some have come out afterwards.

And unfortunately, where gays appear to be invisible is a strong indicator that that particular population does not feel safe in revealing themselves. They live in fear. They do not feel safe for their physical safety, for their livelihoods, they fear losing the love, support and respect of their peer group. There may be even gay players on the Laker's team right now that did not appreciate Bryant's outburst one bit. Now, I don't have any inside information on that, so please don't speculate. But I do know, if they're the closet, they're very unlikely to speak up in defense of their own dignity.

Outbursts like Bryant's certainly don't help to build an environment of respectful, collaborative teamwork and the NBA should be commended for taking this seriously. In fact, pro sports deserves some real kudos for their efforts to address homophobia of late, the NBA's swift action on this incident is one such example. Others include the New York Yankees working with GLAAD, and the Chicago Blackhawk's sending a representative and Stanley Cup to appear at Chicago's Gay Pride Parade last summer. I was thrilled to see Baltimore Raven linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo tape a message of support for marriage equality in the state of Maryland.

Change is coming even to the most unlikely of venues. But, to change the environment, people on both the side of status quo and on the side of change will have to take the hits, financially, metaphorically and, unfortunately, sometimes literally.

If i was empowered to impose sentence on Mr Bryant for his offense, I'd say, "Let him keep his $100,000." I have an alternate recommendation: invite Mr. Bryant to come get to know us. 

Los Angeles is home to the Lambda Basketball League, a league of gay (and allied) hoopsters. I could imagine a day that arranges the meeting of some gay players, and invites some members of the local Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network clubs to attend. GLSEN is currently sponsoring their own sports related education and outreach project, Changing The Game.

Mr. Bryant might have the opportunity to step outside his usual celebrity bubble, meet some other athletes, see that they keep their eye on the ball, no different than he does himself. He could meet some kids, hear some stories of what it feels like to be called "faggot," hear the context in which those words are expressed (often violence, bullying, stigmatization, ostracization).

Maybe if victims of his expletive are made real to him, he'll understand better the pain words can inflict and his responsibility to be a role model. Maybe he'll recognize "faggots" sweat for our goals just as everyone else. At least, the ambient spotlight of Bryant's celebrity can shine a light on the simple fact that, yes, gay people can be jocks too, maybe even your teammates. We value good teamwork as much as anyone.

Who knows, Bryant might walk away with a greater empathy for the struggles LGBT Americans go through every day. Stranger things have happened.

I'd also recommend they invite the authors of the Walk The Road blog to cover the event, and have a sit down with Bryant. This blog is the remarkable work of a trio, Brad, Robert and Ben, and describes itself with the tagline, "Three kids. Three time zones. One mission…" The mission is to talk sports. What distinguishes them is they are in high school, and out, proud and gay. They blog with their real names because they want to set an example, or to put it another way, be the change they want to see. They even invite readers to share their stories and have helped craft an online community of people who are young, gay, proud and, incidentally, committed athletes.

I'd recommend inviting Jeff Sheng to photograph the day. Sheng's work may be familiar from his series of portraits of active duty LGB servicemembers, meant to highlight the injustice of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. He's since transitioned into new work and in a series he calls "Fearless," he's aimed his camera on out and proud gay high school and college athletes, giving a face to break old stereotypes.

Matt H., Varsity Football and Baseball, Marywood-Palm Valley School, CA, 2009,
Andrea, Varsity Softball Captain, University of Florida, 2004.
Photos by Jeff Sheng, prints available through Kaycee Olsen Gallery.

These are the people making change happen.

My mom was an educator and I remember asking her as a child, "Why did you want to be a teacher?" She replied, "That's what women did then. I could be a teacher, or a nurse. I chose teacher."

I, too, have a dream. I dream that outdated, preconceived notions of who we are, what we can do, and where we can go and feel welcomed and safe will someday play no factor in future generation's decisions about what they want to be when they grow up. Brad wrote recently on the blog about the non-event his coming out was to his school:

"Growing up I always thought that the one thing I wanted to be the best in would be some sport. Through the past few years my drive has changed though. Instead of devoting all of my effort into running, which I still love, I have begun putting a lot of my free time into student government at my school. So I hope everyone is able to find that one thing that keeps them going. I know I have."

Be yourself, and dream big, Brad. That's what youth should be, a world that presents only a landscape of endless possibilities for everyone. I salute him and his two friends for being brave and strong enough to embody the change they want to see.