All Over

I am going to try to be honest. I feel tension in myself, a need to project a stalwart demeanor while at the same time, wanting to be true to myself, to you, to life. I could quite simply say, I am tired of having cancer, maybe just tired. The fatigue that comes with the chemotherapy is tremendous. My heart pounds with simple movement, like taking the stairs, turning over in bed, sometimes thinking feels strenuous.

At the same time I am writing my second book and I am so eternally grateful to the spirits that be-that all of this crazy portion of life has come together, at the same time and in this configuration. I cannot show images of my work, I would rather you purchase the book! But I can show you my messy work table.

Being able to journal while thinking about how best to describe the process and to sit and write out my thoughts is a boon and a saving grace. Immersing myself in something fruitful and engaging is what I need right now. I just came off of 5 or more days of recovery, and when I am unable to make, to do, my mind can go to the lowest points imaginable. So today, I painted spirits looking down, gowned and present, a funky bottle glassed man walking as if within sleep, to a house surrounded by creatures and dragons, topped with a a wondrous pearl. It was like walking through a dream, time fell away, my fatigue vanished. Ah, just...what I needed.