Look At Me......

I don't need a mirror to put on my lipstick. I just remember where my lips are and go for it. A talent that comes in handy, often, given the fact that without the added color applied to my face, I seem to blend into the background...or at least I thought so until a recent trip to Dillard's. Then, suddenly, the background seemed a pretty fine place to hang out.

My significant other and I were just finishing our meal at a local restaurant. Waiting for the check.

"Let's stop at the mall on the way home to find you a tie for Brandon's wedding."

"The mall? Do we really have to go to the mall?""

Lloyd performed the 'husband eye roll' perfectly and wadded up his napkin in defeat. In his eyes, Thursday night date night had suddenly taken a turn for the worse. We paid our dinner bill, and out to the parking lot we meandered.

"Okay, but only one store. All I need is a tie, and that's it."

"I promise...one store. You got somewhere else you need to be?"

I took out my lip pencil and freshened my lips while he slowly wound his way up and down the aisles looking for a place to park.

"There's one right there...you just passed it."

He puts the car into reverse, but someone comes up behind him and zips into the space before he can take his foot off the brake.

"I hate the mall."

Finally, way at the back of the parking lot, I spy someone walking to their car.

"There. Over there. That woman is putting her bags into the trunk. Just put the blinker on and wait for a second. Patience."

We watched as she dropped her keys, picked them up, opened her door, got into the car, remembered something she must have forgotten in the trunk, got back into the car, powdered her nose, dialed someone on her cell phone and, FINALLY, after what seemed like an eternity, the reverse lights! She SLOWLY backed out of the coveted space and we were able to park. Mission accomplished. So far.

I noticed that as we walked through the store on the way to the men's department, the sales people seemed to be in exceptionally good moods, giggling and laughing as we passed by. Given that it was one of their busiest times of the year, I was impressed. They noticed us as we walked by, interrupting their conversations with each other to ask if we needed help. They really paid attention to us. Good old fashioned service with a smile. I liked that. My husband was not impressed. Eyes forward, walk on. Eyes focused only on the prize. Or the tie.

"You start looking at the ties, I want to check out the sunglasses."

"I need your help over here. Don't disappear."

I left him in the very competent hands of the salesman behind the counter and walked over to the rack that held the sunglasses. I picked up a pair and tried them on. Tried to find the little tiny mirror attached to the display to see how they looked. Wait a minute. No way. You've got to be kidding. Take off the sunglasses. Look again into the tiny mirror. Back up slowly. Find my voice.

"LLLOOOYYYEEEDDD!!!"

I turned and marched up to my husband, who by now had at least fifteen ties arranged on the counter in front of him. I tapped him on the shoulder.

"Look at me."

"Okay, okay. Do you like the blue with black stripes or the black with blue stripes?"

"LOOK. AT. ME."

The salesman very discreetly backs away from the counter, wishing he could back all the way into a completely different department, I'm sure.

It seems that as we tried to find our parking space and I rummaged around in my purse for the lip pencil, I inadvertently grabbed the black eyeliner instead. You guessed it. I had been walking around the parking lot, casually through the store (two floors since we parked on the wrong level), holding hands and talking to the love of my life with beautiful BLACK LIPS. Full on black. Goth. Perfectly drawn within the lines.

"What's wrong, honey?"

"Do you notice anything amiss here. Maybe a little out of the ordinary?"

"What's wrong with your lips?"

"My point exactly. Do you not ever look at me? I mean, do you not ever SEE me?"

"Well I though your lipstick was a little dark but....."

"BLACK. Not a little dark. Black! And you didn't say anything? Really?"

"I...I...I..." 

No way out of this one, my sweet man. I grabbed a tissue and started to wipe and blot and get rid of the charcoal black smear across the bottom half of my face, when it occurred to me. Do we really ever see all there is to see? Are we so accustomed to our surroundings and so familiar with our routines, that we fail to notice change? Or could it be that we have come to expect it? The unexpected. And then it becomes ordinary.
What does it take to shake us up?

My lipstick debacle is funny in hindsight. We have laughed so hard about that day, that we've cried. I can still see all those salespeople stopping in mid conversation, smiling at us as we waltzed toward them, nonchalant and unaware. What did they see when they looked at us? You better believe that I have learned to at least verify the color of pencil that I slather across my lips. And I have learned, once again, that my husband accepts me. Period. No matter what. (Although I would prefer that he comment more often about the more obvious faux paus.)

What do we see though, when it's not so obvious. The man on the corner who tries to sell us a paper for a dollar. A young guy in a wheel chair trying to maneuver his way across the parking lot at the grocery store. The young mother ahead of us in line with three kids, and two of them are throwing a tantrum. We all have a story. Some are funny, some are sad. Most are familiar. But what does it take for us to see? What goes on behind the scenes? Behind the obvious.

What does it take for us to slow down long enough? To take a good look. For us to let someone else know that we do notice. And care. When it's not as obvious as black lipstick. When it's only a look in someone's eye, an unexpected comment, a silence. Do we really ever see what has been right in front of us all along?

Look. Really look. See. Do.

And use a mirror.

Until next time,

Debbie