Distinguish Yourself? Right.

A timeline leading up to my Purdue University College of Liberal Arts Distinguished Alumna award. Five Months Ago - Me? They want to honor me? But they know I flunked out, right? No, really? Me? Huh. Cool. Guess I have to write a speech. Four Months Ago - I should get a head start on that speech. Three Months Ago -Maybe I should jot a few thoughts down before it's April and I'm slammed with pre-pub deadlines. Two Months Ago - Ooh, snow! I'm not going to write a speech. Instead, I'm going to watch SO MUCH TELEVISION! One Month Ago - I should think about that speech. One Week Ago - I should work on that speech, but my desk is so messy and I have all these dog pictures to post... 10:30 AM, Thursday, Day Before the Award Ceremony - Well, shit. Time to write this damn thing. Since I'm not the only one getting this award, I Google the other recipients in order to mention them, because the night is about US and not just me. So, there's me... there's a Sociology Professor/Department Chair who's devoted his life to the social justice surrounding capital punishment... there's an Ambassador... and there's the Pulitzer Prize winning Washington Bureau Chief for the New York Times. Hmm. I wonder if any of them read my most recent think-piece on Card Sharks. Panic ensues, but I get my speech done due to the burst of failure-based adrenaline. It's not bad. 2:00 PM...