in the weeds

 

iPhone shot of a weed patch in Port Aransas, Texas

I sometimes forget how mindfulness can create incredible discomfort. I've been paying attention to my cell phone habits this week and it's been eye-opening. As it turns out, I am very careful about not talking and texting when I'm with other people. My problem isn't how I treat others, it's how I treat myself. 

I'm not sure exactly how or when it happened, but I've managed to convince myself that every second of white space in my life - every tiny sliver of downtime - could and should be utilized for "getting 'er done." 

When I stop at a traffic light, I think to myself, Quick! Check your email on the phone. When I get in the car to drive to the bank I strategically plan what calls I can make on the way there and on the way home. I always bring my iPad with me to carpool line because I can answer at least five emails while I'm waiting. The only time I really feel free to enjoy the white space is when I'm flying (which explains why I'm not anxious for Continental to get WiFi and I pray that cell phones are NEVER allowed on flights).  

It's CRAZY! Or, at the very least, it's crazy-making. 

I bartended and waited tables for six years - all through undergrad and graduate school. One of the big tricks of the trade is consolidating. If you're making a trip from the kitchen to the floor, take as much as you can possibly carry. Bring bread to the first table, drop off the bill at the second table, re-tea the third table, and swing by your last table with the dessert tray.

Consolidating is how you stay out of "the weeds" - the universal restaurant term for being slammed and losing control of your section. When you squeeze every ounce of productivity from every available moment, you can stay on top of your game. 

I think consolidating is a great philosophy for waiting tables, but it's an exhausting way to live. 

I think most of us feel like we're in the weeds all day long. If you're like me, there's always more to do. Every time I cross something off of my to-do list, I add three more things. It can feel like the wading through waist-high weeds all day long. 

Squeezing productivity out of every second of the day isn't a sustainable way to live. You might be able to do it for a 6-hour work shift, but you can't do it for years on end.  

I'm grateful that I paid attention to my phone use this week. It taught me more than I expected. 

Back in the day, when we couldn't stay out of the weeds, the managers would re-evaluate the size and layouts of our sections. Sometimes there were just too many tables and other times the tables were too far apart. For me, it's probably a little of both. Too much work spread across all of my many roles. 

I'm going to rethink how I'm working and how I'm prioritizing my work, but I'm also going to try to let go of striving for that weed-free life.

Like the picture above, some weed patches are really pretty. Even if I try to cut back on work, I know things will still get hectic so here's my new goal: When things get overwhelming, I'm going to practice pulling up a lawn chair and just sitting in the weeds for a while. I'm going to practice letting go of the idea that if I work really hard (every minute of the day) I'll be able to rest at some point. That's fiction. 

New practice goal: Let go of shame gremlins that use the big guns of lazy, slacker, and unproductive to keep me going when I need to rest. Cultivate and appreciate the white space for what it is, not for what I can squeeze out of it.