FAQ: How to get published

I should elaborate: this is how to get published the old-fashioned way, as in paper book form by a big deal publisher. The short answer: get lucky. The real answer requires a touch more work.

1. Write the damned book. You have to want to be published so badly that you'll write an entire book for free, with no guarantee that anyone will ever even read past the first page. Why? Because lots of people want to write a book, and almost all of those people won't do it. If you have a completed manuscript, an editor or agent will know you're at least worth the bother. Also, an editor and agent will want to know that you can construct a narrative, not just hack out 80-100 thousand words.

This is especially true for novels. If you're pitching non-fiction, you don't need to write the book, but you do need to provide an outline that is so exhaustively in-depth that the book is practically written already. For my foray into non-fiction, we spent nine months on the outline and 3 months writing the book. Never said it would be easy.

2. Write an awesome book proposal. This will include a short (10 page) synopsis of the masterpiece you just wrote. The proposal should also include a letter on how awesome your book is, how it's similar to bestsellers, yet different from other related titles. Who is this book going to appeal to? What's the unique marketing strategy? What's the hook? What makes you special? (but not so special that you're weird and unsalable.) The goal is to be saleable. An agent should read this and know exactly how to pitch your book to an editor. But wait—isn't it the agent's job to do the selling? Yes, but it's yours first. Just do it.

3. Get an agent. Sometimes saving 15% is not a bargain. Agents will have connections you don't have. They will have awkward money conversations with editors that you don't want to have. Many publishers won't even accept unagented or unsolicited manuscripts.

How oh how to find an agent? I like Writers Market. It's an easy, searchable way to find agents who represent the kind of work you do. Pitch only those who are interested in your genre/type of writing/etc. They're not kidding. Pitch to them. Follow up–but not too much.

4. Wait. Collect rejection letters. You will get them. Deal with it.

5. Congratulations! You got an agent! Now be prepared to revise your entire book and proposal per his or her specifications. Don't complain. No one will feel bad for you.

6. Pitch book to editors. More waiting. Collect more rejections. You will get them. Deal with it.

7. Congratulations! You have an offer! Accept it.

8.  Now be prepared to revise your entire book and proposal per your editor's specifications. Don't complain. No one will feel bad for you.

9. The story of what happens "after the call" is another blog post entirely but be assured it contains more revisions, more waiting, tough conversations, less money than you ever dreamed and the realization that you, dear author, will need to do a lot of work to bring your baby to market. Publishing is for those with thick skin, the work ethic of a workhorse, the ability to compromise, and endless stores of patience. But it's worth it.

9.5 Or…You can e-pub the book yourself. And save the agenting fee. But you'll still need to write it first.