Leaving the comfort zone behind
I knew this time was coming, and now I am here, I can report that it is just as scary as I thought it would be. I'm talking about launching a book of course, because this week, From Dark Places is released and I am learning lots of lessons.
Regarding the mechanics of launching a book, the main lesson I have learned so far is to start everything 3 months before you think you need to. Everything is more complicated, and takes longer, than I could have possibly thought. I'll know for when 20 Years Later comes out!
Something I knew would happen…
… sleepless nights. I was lying awake at 3:30 am, fretting about the launch event on Friday in Manchester. I worried that no-one would be there, I worried that I'd lose my voice and not be able to do a reading. I thought all manner of stupid things that only seem plausible in the small hours of the morning when all around you are asleep and the darkness is pressing in.
This morning I felt better, braver, so I tackled several scary tasks regarding the launch, aware the whole time that I am actively managing anxiety. I said on Twitter that I want a badge that says "I am brave" in the same style as birthday card badges which say "I am 4″ which my little man will be wearing on Thursday. But one thing I am starting to learn is disassociating anxiety from a task. That usually seizes me up you see, but sending an email is not scary. All of the imagined disasters I pin to it are scary, but they are not real. I'm hoping this will get easier as the week goes on.
The end of an era
This week is officially the end of one phase of my life. That sounds grand, but it feels grand to me, so it stays. Usually I am better at seeing the end of phases several months or years down the line, this one was sign-posted a long way back.
I have to go out into the world.
My instinct is to just thrust a book that I have written in front of me and say "Here is the best of me" instead of actually putting myself out there. Honestly, I believe I am best consumed in text form. But that isn't enough. I want to make all of my working life about writing fiction, and to do that, I have to tackle these fears and promote my work. It starts this week with From Dark Places, and will continue for the next few months as different formats are launched and 20 Years Later comes out too!
Old tactics, new world
I know why I am pre-disposed to hiding. I know why I want to stay in my little office at home and write and hang out on Twitter and only post here, in my space, where I feel safe. This instinct has served me well in past phases of my life, and has cocooned me whilst I've been healing and figuring out some really difficult stuff.
But now it holds me back. Life is going exactly where I want it to, and I need to let these old patterns go. I need to start thinking of myself, and what I am capable of out there in the world, differently. Otherwise, this safe cocoon will only be a prison.
I went for a run today. It feels odd to type that, as it's at odds with the rigid image I have of myself as someone who will only run in the eventuality of erupting volcanoes, being chased by rabid dogs or the zombie apocalypse. Now I am starting to realise that it's part of who I need to become; someone who is not who I think I am.
Enough of that naval gazing!
Just a tiny reminder that there is the book launch in Manchester on Friday and a great big shout-out for a newly scheduled event happening in Sunderland on Sunday 10th April – here is a poster made by the wonderful Sam (@FutureNostalgic) who has made this possible. I'll be at the Seaburn Leisure Centre, Sunderland (on the seafront) from 11am-1pm during the Maker's Market, doing readings and signing books, so if that is closer for you than Manchester is, please do come along!
And one more lesson I'm learning…
… is that people are really supportive when you are honest and open. I have received offers of help, slots on blogs, reviews, all manner of kind offers to help me make From Dark Places a success. I am blessed. I am brave. I am also in need of a cup of tea…
