Embracing the Cougar Within

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Embracing the Cougar Within

Yes. I've aged into that category, I'm afraid. Quite an eye-opener, really.

I remember several years ago, a close friend told me something his grandfather had said, "My attraction to women remains the same as it's always been, but there is a definite point where I turned from a potential lover to a dirty old man."

Interesting perspective, that. I remember when I was seventeen, a thirty-five-year-old man was ancient, but a guy 16-21…HOT.

Now, of course, a 17-year-old boy looks just like that. A boy. Once they mature into their early twenties, though, they're all man in my eyes. Have you seen Daniel Radcliffe lately?! Rawr.

Seriously.

But now, thirty-five year-old men are beautiful, too. Even men into their 50s turn this forty-something's head. Middle-age has given me a broader range of attraction, ranging from about 22 to late-fifties, sometimes older. But when do I become unattractive in their eyes, especially the younger ones?

Just a few months ago I was propositioned by an early-20-something man, and it was very, very tempting. What a 20-something saw in this 40-something writer, I have no idea, but it was more than just a little flattering. Regardless, I did not indulge.

I really love men, and I really love sex. I'm a very happily married polyamorous woman, and I adore my husband. I'm fully aware how lucky I am to have found such an amazing man & partner with whom to share my life. But I still really love men, and I really love sex.

I'd love to have about three or four regular lovers. I have a rather insatiable appetite, as it were, but I'm not at all interested in casual NSA sex. Whatever. Give me mutual respect and friendship and love, someone with whom I have an intellectual, as well as sexual, connection. Not easy to find, needless to say. Such a connection happens far, far too rarely. I'm so fortunate to have found it once in this lifetime with my husband. Perhaps more is just greedy.

But I want more.

Recently I have enjoyed the (platonic) company of several young men over the past two months at conventions, and I'd be lying to say that I wasn't more than a little attracted to one or two of them. But I'm also very aware of the age difference, likely moreso than they are. Certainly I must look like a cougar on the prowl to them, for their eyes and tastes are set to wo/men nearer their own age.

Right?

The term "cougar" has gained in popularity in our culture in recent years, or perhaps I've just noticed it since I turned 40. With Cougartown on prime time now and even with the MILF from American Pie all those years ago, the time of the cougar is now. They even have a website: http://www.dateacougar.com/

Wow.

When the word "cougar" comes up, perhaps images of Demi Moore and Courtney Cox come to mind, but this is the first definition of "cougar" in the Urban Dictionary.

An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity — particularly the true hotties — as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together.

I'm not so sure I have my "shit together" anymore now than when I was 22. I also don't frequent clubs nor do I try to "score with a much younger man," and I've most certainly not had any plastic surgery. Still…if I'm attracted to a man, I don't think of his age first. My mind is most definitely already somewhere else; however, I'm curious to know how younger men view older women overall. Need I keep my flirtations to myself lest I come across as a creepy-old-woman, or do younger men in general crave an experience with an experienced woman?

So tell me, gentlemen, what do you think of older women?

Sexy & experienced? Or just a cougar on the prowl?