Happy Is as Happy Thinks

I'm a believer in Happy. I was once accused of being "a refugee from a Disney movie" because I'm such a believer in Happy. In fact, I believe the purpose of a life is to be happy and to make as many other people as possible happy.

Like Martha Washington, I believe that, "The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposition and not on our circumstances."

If you're determined to be happy, there are some things you can choose to do that'll help sing along with the Bluebird.

1. Revel in the positives. Focus on the moments when you experience strong positive emotions. Those moments are vivid and detailed. They can be work-related, home-related, love-related. It's that feeling you get when your daughter cuddles up beside you, you put the finishing touches on a perfect meal, or you accomplish something that makes you yell, "I so rock!" While negatives are always working their way into our lives to bring us down, having pictures of our positives that we can flip to in our minds can help assuage the chemical reactions that set us on a downward spiral. The next time you burn the chicken, flip to the picture of your cat playing with the string and make yourself relive the moment. Smile.

2. Accept what is. None of us is good at everything. Some of us don't like to iron (me!). Some of us don't like to dust (me!) Some of us don't like to vacuum (me!). I do love to organize, to fold laundry and to cook: savory, not sweet. I love to write. I love to help people. And while I don't love to drive, I love listening to audio books so I turn my driving into audio-book time and then I love getting into my car. If you're always focused on what you don't like or what you feel are your shortcomings as a partner, a mother, a friend, then you can't possibly be happy. Accept that you're no good at lawn-cutting and weed-pulling and either eliminate the need, or get someone else to do it. (Isn't that a great way for your kids to earn some extra money? Or maybe Annie will weed for you, if you cook up a batch of those crab-cakes she loves so much.)

3.  Say "Yes." Some people have trouble saying, "No." A mountain has been written about recognizing our limitations and not allowing other people to take advantage of us by learning to say "No." But what of the people who have so much trouble saying, "Yes." I have a number of friends who are Negative Nancy's. No matter what you say to them, they have a way to work "No" or "I can't" into their response. If you want to be happy, you need to reframe your thinking so that you move from No to Yes. "Yes, I'd love your help." "Yes, I'd really like to come out with you." "Yes, please share that with me."

Happiness is contagious… this is the "make other people happy" part. Since just smiling at people can pick up their mood, and feed back into your mood, there's simply no downside to happy.

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