When People Ask, “How is your book going?”
“How is your book going?”
This question often comes up while I’m standing in a crowd of people I don’t know very well. It’s one of those needle-scratching-across-the-record moments, all eyes on me, waiting to hear what the writer has to say. Beads of sweat form at my hairline, I shift uncomfortably and take a long gulp of whatever poison I’m drinking, the fake smile plastered on my face hangs there just a beat too long while I search through my catalog of responses.
What can I say without sounding self-important, or boring, or unwittingly eliciting that dreaded follow-up question, So, what is it about?
Here are some techniques I’ve employed in the past:
Deflection
Q: How is your book going?
A: Oh, pretty good. Hey, do you think there’s meat in these stuffed mushrooms?
Inspect stuffed mushrooms until everyone loses interest, then eat stuffed mushrooms regardless of findings.
Self-Deprecation
Q: How is your book going?
A: Like a turd on a conveyor belt. Terrible. Let’s talk about something else.
Token Polite
Q: How is your book going?
A: Really well. How is your wife/husband/kid/pet?
Drunk
Q: How is your book going?
A: Sumpthin’s uppin my whatnow?
Fall over and/or vomit.
Confrontational
Q: How is your book going?
A: What’s that supposed to mean?
Swashbuckling
Q: How is your book going?
A: Make way, ye soul-sucking scum o’ the sea, fore I take me cutlass and feed the fish!
Not recommended.
Soap Opera
Q: How is your book going?
A: How dare you, Timothy. You think you have the right to ask me such things after what you did with my twin sister? I trusted you!
Splash wine in his/her face then turn on your heel and depart dramatically.
Honest
Q: How is your book going?
A: Some days I think it’s going well. Other days I wonder when everyone is going to see through it all and call me out for the intruder I am. Thanks for asking.
Q: So, what’s it about?
A: Fall over and/or vomit.
