Wanderlust Part 16 "Lie"

Morning, morning. Here we go. It's raining and I'm tired and all I want to do at the moment (thanks to the Top Chef finale last night) is sleep. But instead, here I am, clutching my coffee cup in hand and putting up the latest bit of Really and Johnny. Oh yeah, and I fed the kids too. They made me...

XOXO
S

Wanderlust

Part 16

By Sommer Marsden

That was the thing. They wouldn't consider me gone. Just one of Really's hiding out times—gone for a day or two and then she comes back, tail between her legs, wondering how she could have even thought to walk away.

But now I thought to walk away. I thought to walk away and go far and wide and see what I could see. Not running from anything, this time—no. This time it felt like I might be running to something. Or at least into something.

"You in there?"

"I am."

"Change your mind?"

I smiled. "Nope." I watched the Kingsville landscape rush past. The car slid a bit on the road and Johnny casually adjusted the wheel so that car righted. The snow melted easily, but it sure was pretty, dotting the cars and the buildings and some winter-bare trees.

"Where are we going, Snowflake?"

"Bank. There's one up past the library when we're back toward town. I want to run in and get some money."

"I have a few things I need to toss in the car at home," he said.

My mind went to the box. The box was what he meant. I was willing to wager that as long as he had that box, the rest of a duffle bag or suitcase would be nothing but some clothes and toiletries. Johnny Rose seemed like a tumbleweed kind of guy. He could pull up his nonexistent roots and roll whenever need be.

"No problem, I'm in no hurry. I'm an adult and I'm not tethered. It's not as if anyone can stop me, Johnny."

He stared at me.

"What?" I asked, feeling over-examined. I felt giddy, maybe I sounded it.

"Nothing." But he grinned as he turned away.

I smacked his arm. "What?"" I demanded.

"You've barely used my name is all. Could it be Aurelia Blake that I am becoming real to you? An actual person worthy of you naming me aloud?"

Did I do that—blank people out? Was he right?

I opened and closed my mouth several times and then I said "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You are who you are, Really. You have your baggage. Fuck me, don't we all?" He turned off the winding road back onto Belair Road. A truck whizzed past carrying farm equipment and a yellow dog with its long nose stuck out the window. "Stop trying to shoe-horn yourself into someone else's idea of you."

I ran my fingers over his scalp as he drove. The quiet growl of stubble under my fingers filled my ears, bled into my fingertips. "You need a cleanup," I said, changing the subject.

"Are you volunteering?"

A burst of excitement flared in the pit of my stomach and I had to wonder at myself and my fixation with his damn scalp. "God, yes," I whispered.

"All right—bank and my place and a naked head."

"Good deal," I said, quoting my father. Then I shook my head. "Sounds like a plan."

"You'll need clothes. Stuff."

"Before we head out, we can stop and grab me some jeans and other things. I don't need much."

"You sure about that? You're a fancy kind of girl."

He was teasing me but it stung a bit. I didn't particularly care for being a fancy kind of girl. "Not my fault."

"There's no fault in it."

"Okay, it's not my choice."

He turned into the bank and put the car into gear. The radio spat out a Motown tune that always made my heart twist in my chest. A song about love lost and rain.

"Before you go in there, two things. It might save us some time. You might change your mind."

Here it was. Here is where he changed his mind and kicked me to the curb. Here is where he decided that I was too much work, too precious, too something.

"Go on," I said, faking bravado.

"I don't want your money."

"Good, because you can't have it," I said, trying to joke away the fear that had taken up residence in my gut.

"And I suck at the good guy thing. I am not a monastic, loving, partner man-type. I don't do monogamy well, Really. I'm not taking you off to marry you."

"I'm married," I said, swallowing hard.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes dramatically. It was an odd thing to see such a big man do and it made me laugh. I suspected that's why he did it. "You know what I mean. I tend to crush everything I touch if I care about it."

I nodded.

"So I try not to."

"Not to crush it or not to care?"

"Yes."

I cleared my throat. "Right. Well, this will be fun. Right? I don't want you to marry me. I don't want you to save me."

Lie

I barreled on. "I want to hit the road and leave this shit and see what there is to see and eat crappy truck stop food. I want to fuck my way 'cross country and know that at the very least I'm with a big guy who can kick ass should the need arise."

"I can do that."

"Someone who likes rock and roll."

"Done."

"And dirty floors."

"Done."

"And dirty sex."

"Check," he whispered, taking my hand.

"I'm not a princess. I don't need to be rescued."

Lie

"It's all good." I finished.

"I just wanted you to know. I don't want any tears. I like you, Snowflake. I wanted it all up front and as translucent as a window pane."

"And it is," I said, opening the door. I grabbed my purse, my hands shaking just a bit. It was like getting the break-up talk without the break-up. I don't know why I was rattled. I hadn't expected a god damn thing from him that didn't include dick, anyway.

Lie.

At least I didn't want to.

"I'll be right back."

"I'll be right here. And then you owe me a shave."

That made me smile for real. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

This would be good. This would be what I needed. A big open world and a long winding road and someone who was just along for the ride. Someone who liked me. Someone who apparently didn't want to hurt me.

Did it get any better than that?

STAY TUNED...

*photo credit: moi!*