rude or not rude?
I appeal to all you wise women out there to either (1) applaud or (2) call me an oversensitive middle aged bitch. Here's what happened:
Car had to go in for service; I go to pick up a rental to bridge the gap.
Clerk (call him Mike) is a guy about mid twenties, nicely groomed, very friendly in that I've-been-trained-to smile-like-this way. When we finish with the paperwork he asks me to have a seat, Joe will be right in to take me to the car. I'd just as soon do this on my own, but hey. It's their policy. I can wait. A couple minutes.
Ten minutes later when I'm about to put a stop to the ridiculous idea that I need somebody to walk me to plain vanilla rental car, Joe comes in.
Mike is helping other customers. In a loud voice, he says "Joe! That young lady over there needs help!"
As I am the only other person in the office, he clearly means me. I get that flash of heat followed by a white fury that only descends a couple times a year. Joe starts to come over, but I ignore him for the moment, and stalk up to the counter. "Excuse me," I say to the people Mike is helping. And then to Mike:
"Listen, it's utterly inappropriate to refer to me as young lady. It's condescending and rude. I'm old enough to be your mother."
Mike sputters: but but but. I'm having none of it.
"No BUTS. Would you refer to me as a young lady if you knew I was the senior neurosurgeon at the hospital? How about a nun? I thought not. It's rude. Don't do it again."
When I told the Mathematician this story, he says: the guy's going to be awake all night.
To which I protest: I wasn't THAT mean.
That's not it, sez the Mathematician. He's got to be wondering why a senior neurosurgeon nun was renting a car.
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Applaud :) DOn't need condescending 'young men' thinking they're being clever.
I figure there's one fairly sure test for any of the "lady" constructions ("cleaning lady," "lady doctor," "lady of the evening"--they're all over the place). Imagine a man your age, race, class, etc. Replace "lady" with "gentleman." If the result makes no sense whatsoever, or if the meaning changes radically, the lady construction is mostly likely condescending and rude. So. . . "Joe! That young gentleman over there needs help!" Yup, sounds like the fellow need his consciousness raised.
It may have been a tad of an over-reaction on your part. Afterall his comment was probably a carry over from something he learned at home, trying to be polite and "charming" ..... but it wasn't. When I go into my local butcher shop the guy (who is probably a contemporay in age, maybe even a bit younger) calls me honey or dear. I'm not his honey or his dear and I'm usually with my husband. It doesn't bother me, he's a throw-back and I take it as that.
Now changing my tune, I can understand that flash of heat/fury thing. It's the same feeling I get when, usually a man, will say "so how's that little business of yours going?"
