It Came From Outer Space . . . I mean the garbage pit.
Oh mercy me. I think I just saw the dumbest movie of the year. If it isn't . . . please warn me away from the next one.
BATTLE: LOS ANGELES. The previews made it look like another big-budget brainless skiffy epic. But the previews didn't include the dialogue. It was less than brainless; it was brain-sucking. I went in with an IQ of 200 and came out unable to find my car.
If one line of dialogue encapsulates this film, it has to be the one where a bunch of soldiers are watching huge fucking alien flying saucers blow the shit out of everything from horizon to horizon, bodies lying everywhere, and the square-jawed sergeant looks to his men and says, "This is not a drill."
No, it's a fucking air hammer.
The movie could have been completely saved by either of two inexpensive fixes. One would be to completely amp up the stupidity and turn it into a droll comedy of excess. The other would be to run it with no dialogue at all, and (thus) no attempt at a plot – just a montage of strikingly brutal high-tech images. Let the audience try to synthesize a story out of it.
The story that does try to animate this lifeless noisemaker is such Grade-D automatic writing that it makes STARSHIP TROOPERS (the movie) look like Dostoyevsky in comparison. The Screen Writers Guild should host a public burning of the script.
At least it didn't desecrate any existing sf novel. There are scenes and gimmicks that are so old-hat they could come from that 1975 antique – oh, yeah, THE FOREVER WAR. No check in the mailbox, though, darn.
For your own sanity, stay away from this movie. Or at least wear earplugs.
Joe
BATTLE: LOS ANGELES. The previews made it look like another big-budget brainless skiffy epic. But the previews didn't include the dialogue. It was less than brainless; it was brain-sucking. I went in with an IQ of 200 and came out unable to find my car.
If one line of dialogue encapsulates this film, it has to be the one where a bunch of soldiers are watching huge fucking alien flying saucers blow the shit out of everything from horizon to horizon, bodies lying everywhere, and the square-jawed sergeant looks to his men and says, "This is not a drill."
No, it's a fucking air hammer.
The movie could have been completely saved by either of two inexpensive fixes. One would be to completely amp up the stupidity and turn it into a droll comedy of excess. The other would be to run it with no dialogue at all, and (thus) no attempt at a plot – just a montage of strikingly brutal high-tech images. Let the audience try to synthesize a story out of it.
The story that does try to animate this lifeless noisemaker is such Grade-D automatic writing that it makes STARSHIP TROOPERS (the movie) look like Dostoyevsky in comparison. The Screen Writers Guild should host a public burning of the script.
At least it didn't desecrate any existing sf novel. There are scenes and gimmicks that are so old-hat they could come from that 1975 antique – oh, yeah, THE FOREVER WAR. No check in the mailbox, though, darn.
For your own sanity, stay away from this movie. Or at least wear earplugs.
Joe
date
newest »
newest »
message 1:
by
Max
(new)
Mar 26, 2011 08:26AM
Thanks for saving me in the nick of time, Joe. Was just about heading out the door today to go see what I too had hoped would be a brain-in-neutral visual feast. At least I won't have to face down the ire of my colleagues who still berate me for giving District 9 a similarly negative review...
reply
|
flag
Joe Haldeman's Blog
- Joe Haldeman's profile
- 2191 followers
Joe Haldeman isn't a Goodreads Author
(yet),
but they
do have a blog,
so here are some recent posts imported from
their feed.
