Time will Tell
It is the first day of Spring, and for once mother nature has not disappointed us. The weather in West Holland today was beautiful, clear blue sky, the sun high in the sky and a light spring breeze keeping the air temperatures fresh. I drove to work with a the sun rising over frost covered fields, and for just a few moments the troubles that have been bogging me down were washed away.
Yet in spite of this, I ended up having a bit pity day. My head was pounding by the time I got to the office and with my to-do list expanding exponentially before I even finished checking my emails. Once again I ended up taking no lunch break and leaving the office late because a meeting overran which meant that by the time I got home it was too late to go outside and enjoy the rest of the afternoon with my kids.
Besides work, which is a constant source of stress and unhappy times, not just for me but for the entire group of people I work with, there is always the simple fact that there just aren't enough hours in the day.
Let's have a look at my totals for the year.
Writing : I have edited a whole 37 pages so far this year
Reading: I have read 260 pages this year, and 200 of those came in one night while on a business trip to Ireland
Book Sales: I have sold 3 books so far in the three or so weeks my book as been available.
Those total are miserable in all senses of the word, and while I am happy that three people have bought my book, I had certainly expected a slightly higher number. Especially as I am donating 50% to help Japan recover from the tsunami and earthquake that has devastated the country.
Yet I have no doubt that my lack of sales is a direct result of my lack of free time in which I can promote my book. I am active on Twitter but even that is rather limited when it comes to promotions, and I am missing out entirely on Goodreads, Facebook and other social media networks, and I refuse to split my time over them all. I would rather dedicate what time I to promoting my work as best as I can on one site than spreading myself thin on several fronts.
The thing the frustrates me most today is that I cannot see it improving in the coming months, and rather see myself having to stop writing completely until the second half of the year. Even now I can barely find 30 minutes a day to write / edit my work and my 'evil' day job is only going to get worse. I have taken three lunch breaks since the first week of February and can see myself having to start working extra hours just to keep up, and this is not because of laziness on my part or that of my colleagues, but rather a management system which doesn't say No, and is only interested in growing the company whilst running it on minimal staff running desperately low on motivation.
I am not against work, the contrary is true, I am a big believer in work and have had a job ever since I was 14 working almost every day after school, but I just get frustrated at being stuck in a job that has no satisfaction. Yet I also know that I am lucky to have a job, especially in this climate. I have 3 children and the chance that I will be able to support my family as a writer is beyond slim, I realise that, but today just one of those days, another one of those days, which is sadly just part of a long string of those days.
My normal process is to sit and sulk on something a few days, or vent my frustrations with a particularly gory story or action filled piece of fiction, but by having no time to do that I find myself getting more and more tense and bad-tempered, and that just isn't who I am. Of course money is always a problem, and despite having a good job we are constantly maxing out our overdraft and can't really afford to do much at all in terms of fixing up the flat (which is something that really bothers both me and my wife to equal degrees).
I am sure that come morning Iw ill feel better, and as for now, I am out of the office and so it is at the very back of my mind. I am sure to sit down and try to get some more editing done tonight, even if it is just a page or two and until then I feel better for my sorrow filled rant and realise that what I consider to be problems are nothing compared to what many people are going through in the world. I have a roof over my head, a steady job and a wonderful family, anything more than that is just a blessing.
Thank you all for sticking with my through this bitch session and I promise that my next post will be something bloody and sufficiently creepy to have you all sleeping with the lights on. Possibly an extract from my current WIP.
