My brain hurts

I did not write this. It's an excerpt that popped up in a Google search for "can you throw a poniard"

From Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott, which I've never read: "He availed himself of his enlargement to throw himself on the pavement, and clasp the knees of Front de-Boeuf. " Take all that you have asked," said he. . .

One guy's enlarged and the other has beef in front . . . *snerk*

It's waaay too early in the day and I have too much left to write to get this punchy yet.