Fear Hurts

A friend of mine recently wrote, "I can't believe it took [me] 37 years to realize that fears aren't real."

Fear is something most of us have to deal with. And it's a very real part of being human. It manifests in the dread you feel when you don't know how something will turn out. It is the sense of doom that lies in the pit of your stomach despite your best efforts to ignore it.

We can't ignore fear. It is around us – promoted to us – and inside us. Each bad-news story brings fear: fear of a recession, fear of disease, fear of a catastrophe. Employers use fear of unemployment to make us work longer and harder. Governments use fear of terrorism to restrict our civil liberties.  And if you're afraid of being alone, you'll be willing to conform to the rules of your church, your ethnic group, your family to stay in the fold.

Fear is a powerful tool that can be used to manipulate and control. When we're afraid, we will do just about anything to feel safer.

Each enterprising salesman who suggests you buy an extended warranty is using fear to make the sale. In fact, in the language of sales, theirs is a "Fear of Loss Close" that is actually used to motivate you to buy. You've heard it: "This sale will only be on today." "This is the last one we have and we don't know if we're getting any more." "Use it or lose it."

Acting from a place of fear means you're probably not making a well-thought-out decision. And allowing fear to paralyze you – I so afraid of what will happen, I'd rather do nothing – is no answer. In fact, unchecked, your fear can make you ill.

Before you'll successfully be able to deal with the fear, you must accept that it is part of who you are. Then you'll be able to rally your inner energy.

It is actually very normal to feel afraid. It's that "fear" that kept us alive and able to come as far as we have as a specie. Fear motivates us to do the right thing. Sure it's hard to climb up into the tree to go to sleep, but if we don't the wild animals will eat us. And sure it's hard to pick up the telephone and make another sales call, but if we don't we won't have any money to feed the kids.

If you're prepared to look at what you're afraid of, if you have the courage to stare deep into the nothingness that makes you want to cry, face the loneliness, deal with the sense of terror, you will find you can do the most amazing things.

Accept the fear. It is what it is. Then look it in the eye and move forward. You can. You must.

Each time you face your fear and do it – whatever it may be – you strengthen your ability to face whatever comes next. You will find it remarkably freeing. Since you'll be in control of your own response to fear, others won't be able to use that fear to manipulate you.

If you can't face your fears alone – if they are too much for you – then get a friend to help you. That may be someone who loves you. Or it may be a professional trained in helping you to deal with your fears.

If you are going on this journey on your own, a mantra can help you.  Make your own using the words "I won't" "I will" and "I am". Something like this:

I won't hide from my fears.

I won't let others make me afraid.

I will accept my fears.

I will move through those fears.

I am strong and able.

I am full of positive energy and love.

Fear is one of the two most powerful emotions; the other is desire. While desire can make you do the most unexpected things, fear can stop you dead in your tracks. You've got to learn to feel the fear and do it anyway.

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