Be Honest with Yourself: What Needs to Change?
Now, be careful how you answer, because we tend to say things like:
We need more money so that we can move out of this neighbourhood/so I can quit my job
My kids need to start sleeping better/behaving better
My husband needs to be more romantic
My church needs to be more supportive
In other words, we look for things to change outside of ourselves and outside of our control.
But things will never change if you do that.
You will never feel satisfied, at peace, in control of your schedule if you are always looking for circumstances, or people, to change to make your life better.
The change has to start with you. With us.
You will never feel at peace if you are looking for circumstances or other people to change.
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This week the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle of 2016 is for sale, so I’m doing something a little different on the blog because it is SUCH an amazing collection of resources, and I only have 6 days to share them all with you.
The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle is over $1000 worth of ebooks, video courses, ecourses, and printable packages that you can buy for just $29.97. And when you do, you get over $250 worth of bonuses, too–including my favourite, a FREE class from Craftsy worth $30-$70.
Yesterday I focused on 10 tips and tricks from some of the resources that can help you feel more in control.
But today I want to focus in greater detail on just 3 resources that don’t speak to habits as much as they speak to the heart. How can we actually make important changes that MEAN something in the big picture? How can we become the kind of woman that we’ve always wanted to be?
Those are important questions. Let’s try to flesh some of that out.
Goals + Grace = Change: Preparing the Spirit
Why is it that when we make New Year’s Resolutions we very rarely live them out?
Arabah Joy has a beautiful 5-part journey we can take to learn how to actually make those changes we want. And it starts by understanding the intersection between grace and goals.
She says:
The more I studied this, the more convinced I became of two things.
1. We set far too few goals as Christians! And
2. When we do set goals, we frequently overlook the process and power available exclusively to us as believers in Christ. We miss the whole goal-grace cycle.
In other words, will power can’t change us. It’s only by understanding that we are accepted by God; understanding that we have the Power of the Holy Spirit in our lives; understanding that a fully submitted life is a powerful life that change happens. We can’t change apart from God–but God also wants us to be part of that change. To aim high. To wrestle about where we’re supposed to be going.
I’ve read a few of Arabah Joy’s books now, and she has awesome wisdom, but she tells it in such a way that it’s easy to understand. And she takes really spiritual ideas and makes them highly practical, which is what logical thinkers like me really appreciate!
The biggest thing that sat with me was this one: some changes are obvious. We need to lose weight. We need to control our temper. They’re principles in Scripture, and it’s pretty clear what God wants us to do.
But what if the change you want to make isn’t so obvious? What if you’re trying to decide on a career choice? What if you’re trying to decide where to move, or whether to homeschool? Not as obvious.
And here’s where the book really helped. She talked about how when you start reading Scripture, you start hearing God’s voice more. It’s not that anything profound like a voice from heaven happened; it’s that you became more sure that you were supposed to go in a direction, and then you walked in faith. God doesn’t just want us sitting back and listening for a voice from heaven; He wants us to trust what He’s already given us. He wants us to go forward!
I really enjoyed this, and if you have a decision you’re trying to make, or if you just need the power that comes from God to actually see some changes come to fruition, I know this will help you.
It’s About Time: Preparing the Body
Is it odd to talk about “preparing the body” when I’m talking about figuring out your schedule? After all, shouldn’t figuring out your schedule and your priorities be a distinctly spiritual exercise?
Well, yes, in a way. But here’s what this ecourse tries to bring home, again and again: we live out our lives in the physical world, not the ideal world. And in the physical world, there are only 24 hours in a day.
I have to admit something: I’m one of those people that, if I get a 10 day challenge or an ecourse or something like that, I’ll just read through the whole thing and then just do the steps I want. I won’t actually work through it the way the person wrote it (which is ironic since I wrote 31 Days to Great Sex–which really is better if you do one day at a time!).
But I made an exception here, and I’m actually working through this one myself. Yes, I’ve read the first three lessons, but lesson one is supposed to take a week, and I’m giving it the full week. I need it. I need to make some changes.
Here’s what she wants you to know: you need to understand that time is finite, because only then will we grasp that when we say yes to something, we are, by definition, saying no to something else. We can’t say yes to everything.
And here’s something else to understand, which I found very freeing: you will always have more to do than you will have time to do it. There will always be things you leave undone.
That was revolutionary for me, because I always thought that the aim was to get my to do list done. But it’s not! It’s just to decide what is worth my time.
Aby says:
If you’ve been under the impression that effective time managers are people who have figured out how to get it all done, then it’s probably unsettling to learn that even the best time managers don’t complete every task or activity that lands near their bucket. This may be disconcerting, but it’s true. Effective time managers, quite simply, make better decisions about how to use their time than less effective time managers do. Part of what makes someone an effective time manager is that they’ve learned to make choices about what to spend their time on, and what not to spend their time on.
She takes you through an exercise where you actually look at where you’re spending your time. Then you choose priorities and goals, figure out what activities feed these and what don’t, learn to say no, and learn to put first things first.
I’m still at the first stage: actually looking at where I spend my time. It’s funny, because when you budget or when you try to lose weight everyone tells you to make a food journal or a spending journal. But I’ve never made a time journal. And I waste a lot of time. It’s not that I think “not working” is bad; if I filled some of that time up with knitting or talking to a friend or even having a bath I’d be happy. But I actually waste it. And that’s a shame.
And those are the things that we need to get rid of!
Highly practical, but largely a spiritual exercise too. I’m humbled as I look at my time schedule. I’m afraid to do tomorrow’s because of what it will show. But isn’t that the essence of change–to be honest with ourselves?
Losing It–Addressing Your Heart
Luke Gilkerson is so raw and real in this book where he talks about the anger he had for his kids–and how it affected their relationship. And he shares some really practical tips on how to use Scripture and how to grow humility so that your first response isn’t to erupt in anger anymore!
It starts with recognizing that anger is your problem. No one else is making you angry; you are choosing to react that way.
And then he says this:
So true! And why do we get angry? Because it actually feels good. He writes:
We enjoy anger not just because there is something inherently good about it. We also enjoy anger because we have twisted it into something proud and selfish. There’s a sort of rush we get from anger, a feeling of moral superiority and authority, the gust of power we feel from dishing out some- one else’s just desserts.
And this is one of the chief problems with sinful anger: how blinding it is. Anger is sure it is right.
Ouch.
We enjoy anger because we get a rush from it--moral superiority. Let's try humility instead.
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Quite simply, this is a great book. It will convict you, but it won’t make you feel guilty. It will empower you to make the changes that God wants you to make. And many of us desperately need this. Our kids don’t deserve our anger. If you’re tired of feeling badly at the end of the day for “losing it”, then stop feeling badly. DO SOMETHING. Make that change.
There you go–three big picture changes that can change everything for you.
That’s what I’ve found with each of the Homemaking Bundles that I’ve gone through: there’s always at least one big picture change I’ve made that has been a huge shift for me. And it’s been good, even if it’s been hard (like changing all of my eating habits!)
This time around I’m working through It’s About Time. I’m super organized now with my work, but I don’t have enough margins in my life. And I’m looking forward to finding ways to say no to more things without feeling like I’m letting people down.
I don’t know what you need to change, but I do know this: this Bundle can really help you. Here’s my approach to the Bundle:
Skim the books and see which ones really “speak” to me.
Take the ones that “speak” to me and divide them into “useful tips” or “useful resources to have on hand” and then “things I have to read and pray through.”
Choose ONE “read and pray through” book and actually DO IT. Slowly. Use the others for quick references when you need them.
Take the ones I know I won’t use and put a few on a thumb drive, along with some themed cute presents (for instance, give a bunch of recipe books along with some tea towels and measuring cups and maybe some flavoured oils), put them all in a basket, and give to a friend for Mother’s Day!
Remember, it’s all gone as of Monday at midnight, so pick it up today, before you forget! And then pray through what God wants to help you change first.
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