Publication Does Not Equal Perfection
With my super awesome (no, really, am I dreaming?), dream publishing contract from Ellora's Cave has come a lot of amazing experiences like seeing my super fun cover with my name on it and getting to email back and forth with my kick ass editor. But, there are a few things that burst my little big-time publishing fantasy inside my head. None of them are because of the actual publishing process or my publishing company--both have taught me an immense amount--but instead it's the difference between a yet-to-be-big-time published author's mindset and my now super epic, dear god I'm excited, published writer mindset.
Mainly, for some bizarre, inane reason, I had it in my head that once my book was accepted, it was perfect. The End. Sold. Money. I doubt that's the case for anyone. In fact, I knew this going into the process, there are edits, there are always edits and if there aren't any edits then your probably doing it wrong and it won't be your best work. Who doesn't want to put out their best work?
And yet--my perfectionist tendencies reared their ugly heads and I'm awash with pain that I can't do it all once and done and be on the NYT's best seller list. Because, yeah, I really think that highly of myself (insert sarcasm). One of my writer friends once told me I'm a mix of complete naive optimism, just bouncing around in my happy little world with my all encompassing drive to succeed, that I can take over the world, coupled with my crushing fear of defeat that makes me cower in a corner, doubt myself, hate everything I do and crumple. And my being published by EC is a large reflection of this mindset.
Wheeee, I'm published, everything will be perfect, I'm perfect! Followed by, Oh, they picked me. What does that mean? Oh, I bet they're so sorry they picked me now--I'm not perfect, I'm not perfect, Oh God, I suck horribly and they're regretting they ever had me sign anything! *runs around like a chicken with it's head cut off and bangs head on desk several times*. This was my process. Editing my coming soon release Party Games, it's a day to day thing where life is not all puppies, sunshine, and orgasms. No, on some days nothing goes right.
But, I can't take the process for granted. I can't dismiss this opportunity to learn about myself and my writing from some of the most talented people in the industry. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that writing never stays the same as my full time job. I'm always changing and certain things will shape me more and I have to be okay with that no matter my control freak tendencies for the day. Accept, process, and go back to square one if I have too. Because, no matter how many books I write, publication does not perfection make, no matter how many times I wish upon a star, It's silly to think otherwise.
Mainly, for some bizarre, inane reason, I had it in my head that once my book was accepted, it was perfect. The End. Sold. Money. I doubt that's the case for anyone. In fact, I knew this going into the process, there are edits, there are always edits and if there aren't any edits then your probably doing it wrong and it won't be your best work. Who doesn't want to put out their best work?
And yet--my perfectionist tendencies reared their ugly heads and I'm awash with pain that I can't do it all once and done and be on the NYT's best seller list. Because, yeah, I really think that highly of myself (insert sarcasm). One of my writer friends once told me I'm a mix of complete naive optimism, just bouncing around in my happy little world with my all encompassing drive to succeed, that I can take over the world, coupled with my crushing fear of defeat that makes me cower in a corner, doubt myself, hate everything I do and crumple. And my being published by EC is a large reflection of this mindset.
Wheeee, I'm published, everything will be perfect, I'm perfect! Followed by, Oh, they picked me. What does that mean? Oh, I bet they're so sorry they picked me now--I'm not perfect, I'm not perfect, Oh God, I suck horribly and they're regretting they ever had me sign anything! *runs around like a chicken with it's head cut off and bangs head on desk several times*. This was my process. Editing my coming soon release Party Games, it's a day to day thing where life is not all puppies, sunshine, and orgasms. No, on some days nothing goes right.
But, I can't take the process for granted. I can't dismiss this opportunity to learn about myself and my writing from some of the most talented people in the industry. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that writing never stays the same as my full time job. I'm always changing and certain things will shape me more and I have to be okay with that no matter my control freak tendencies for the day. Accept, process, and go back to square one if I have too. Because, no matter how many books I write, publication does not perfection make, no matter how many times I wish upon a star, It's silly to think otherwise.
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