how to write a book the hard way (self doubt and ludicrous expectations abound)

I've been struggling with projects lately. By lately I mean: since The King's Rose was released. Technically it started even before that, when I was casting around for ideas to replace the Catherine Howard-sized hole in my heart. And nothing would fit.

First, there was writer's block. That was unpleasant. I think I'm out of that now. Since 2008/2009 I've been working on some contemporary fantasy novels. But that doesn't mean I haven't been frustrated. There has been a lot of revising, starting over, doubting myself. A lot of whining: what if these ideas don't pan out? What if I never write another book?

A moment of perspective: Writing a book takes me a long time. It always does. And in this case, I'm changing genres. I thought this would be liberating (and, in some ways, it was) but it was also daunting and difficult. My historical fiction bag of tricks wasn't altogether useful, and my fretting over plot development often eclipsed my enthusiasm. I couldn't rely on the good graces (or, more accurately, horrid behavior) of some fascinating historical character to deliver action, setting, and endless inspiration. I had to find all of that in myself. After feeling that the well had run dry, that was a very tall order.

And it's still a tall order, but I haven't given up yet. There are times when I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, or I'm progressing SO SLOWLY that I berate myself for my lackluster pace. But I'm still trying. I hope something good will come of it, but until then I need to stop beating myself up about all the time it's taking to get to my next finished book, my next deal. I just need to chase inspiration wherever I find it. And write.